A Certain Type of Decisive

United States

Just your unfriendly neighborhood disaster, bringing you bi-weekly updates from the bottom of my own shoe!

Message to Readers

Clifford, the little red fish, you will be missed. Your memory lives on in my journals and through the frogs who now live in your bowl.

A Teaspoon (of fear, of grief, and of you)

October 18, 2020


Hate is just fear we're too afraid to feel
And I never meant to scare you
Snakes and spiders and heights and change
Any poet worth their salt can spin you tales of Icarus and Apollo
But I've always been more of a Daedalus
Stuck in my own little world
I'm not afraid of the dark
I don't even run up the stairs after I turn off the light
Shadows and thunder and insects and love
I'm the route 66 of part-time friendships
Attractively convenient and killing of small town business
Can't get left on read if you never text
Love seems too hard 
Too much work, too much thinking
But fear is so natural and easy and smooth
Anger is grief we're too afraid to feel
My favorite fish jumped from his tank
And I always over-water my desert plants
Love doesn't save us, it never has
But it sure doesn't hurt
I still dream of you-- no, not like that
I dream of you healthy and clean
Free of the smoke that clung to you like a lonely child
I dream that you aren't a lonely child anymore
I'm just like you, but I'm too afraid to feel
Anything more than a teaspoon
I'm just a Daedalus of falling in love
Noticeably inconvenient and killing of those who steal my spotlight
I'm not afraid of the dark
I don't even flinch at bumps in the night
Can't get hurt if you never take a risk
I couldn't save you, even if I tried
Lonely and fearful and over-watered and loved
And that scared you

But I never meant to scare you


See History
  • October 18, 2020 - 3:30pm (Now Viewing)

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  • mirkat

    WOW! This is amazing. I agree with kealoha, the first line is impactful and true and striking. Keep writing!

    about 1 month ago
  • kealoha

    WOW that first line hit so hard

    about 1 month ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    wHy are you so underappreciated?!

    about 1 month ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Woah woah woah. Aaaack this is alsjlkajlsd no that's not coherent but I can't define anything about this piece...

    about 1 month ago