She hated being alive. Her parents failed to see what was really going on with her. They did not bother to see how every night all she did was cry until she fell asleep just to do the same thing again the next day after, smiling, joking, and laughing that fake laugh that seemed so real now.
Usually these things would be seen. she had this idea in her brain her parents probably didn’t see them because she was a good actress. She just didn’t want to admit to herself that they didn’t care.
Deep down she knew that they saw behind her farce but they grew tire of her, they did not want more of her issues.
She was screaming her head off without even opening up her mouth, the silent cries they ignored affected her more each passing day.
She was always quite now a day, when she was younger she will never shut up.
When younger she would always be surround by people and she enjoyed it, now she would spend her days at home and avoid going out at all.
Growing up she missed a couple of things one being spending quality time with her parents, like any other normal family her parents worked but even so other families managed to play with their kids, tell them stories, teach them simple things, appreciate what the child could muster up to do for them as a single act of love. But they did not seem to care.
When the tiny girl would ask to play a simple game of cards they would decline and not bother even looking at her once when they would say “I’m tire, leave me alone” as they kept their stare on their mobile.
When she went out of her way and woke up early during the weekend she would try to something eatable for her parents to surprise them with a breakfast in bed. Her mother would not even look at the dish before declining and the father neglected it for so long it got cold and uneatable.
That’s how she felt her whole life neglected, sure she had the material things but she was missing the emotional.
Her emotional baggage took a toll on her, she became neglectful of her “duties” as a young lady in the house hold. Which got her into lot of arguments.
She wanted to be a feminist atheist in a house full of sexist christians. She stopped believing in god once she saw how horrible things were in the world. “if there really was a god who loved everyone why would he not protect victims of rape, police brutality, and racism.” She would think “why would he let people be hated on for their sexuality, why would he allow parents to abandon their kids or abuse, exploit, or neglect them in such a way.”
She wanted to create things but she wasn’t allowed to do so, her parents found it unnecessary they told her things were a certain way and they should not be changed.
She hated society overall she hated the rules it formed for girls and boys, man and woman, kids and adults.
How could they think that because she was a girl she had to clean the house and her father could just stay home the whole day talk on the phone deal with business and deserved a golden pedestal.
Now to keep the piece at this place she would stay for the mean time she decided to keep quite most of the time and lay low until she acquired the legal age,
to do everything she dreamed of.
She wanted to travel, leave that cage they had forced on her for her whole life, she wanted to find someone that would talk to her at 3 A.M if she had bad dream or if she had a crazy idea. Someone who would not tell her to stop singing because she was too loud or to change out of her clothe because her style did not please the person. Someone she didn’t have to try hard to make them proud because they would be prude that she only managed to burn only 1 kernel of the popcorns for the movie night they had planned out this time. She also wanted to create art through movements and words. She wanted to see the world not only the pretty and decent parts but also the ugly truth, and she wanted to help.
She was tired of being called selfish at that house that could never be seen as a home in her eyes. Years of tears and loneliness was all that the small apartment had brought to her life and honestly she was tired of everything. Hold on she would tell herself, soon very soon you will be out of here and you won’t have to look back. Take a deep breath and look forward, don’t let them kill your spirit and wait.