elliem

Canada

Apparently, I'm 17
Come to my feed for free hugs :)
Somebody run through castle ruins at midnight with me

Acting
Dancing
Singing
Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff
Petrichor
Soft girl/Dark academia mix
Virgo
ENFJ

WtW pixie

She/her

Message to Readers

Title ideas? I know I used "I" in the title, whereas I use "she" in the poem. Yes, I did that on purpose and with reasoning behind it. Does the ending seem weak at all? If so, how do you suggest I edit it?

the small things i found amidst chaos

October 6, 2020

FREE WRITING

11

and after she drank down the last bitter dregs of humanity
she could stagger towards home, rip off her shoes and
think about life for a while

she associated summer with saturation
speckled sunlight turned leaves into chartreuse celestial deities
glowing faintly under a periwinkle sky
and in those moments where time itself lingered in
the dusty compartment between chaos and serenity
she could see the colour of water, which, like
everything else, had saturated in the blanketed heat of july

and maybe it was her imagination, but
early morning stirred in her the most isolated sense of life
a spot in which she could reflect and ruminate
a place where she became the only wandering soul
left on the planet, a moment captured in slow motion, a
dream strung together from melancholic memories
for only a few moments
before the sun rose

she was someone who sat in the backs of cafes, her
bookbag cluttered with crushed volumes, marked
in pencil and ringed with old coffee stains
someone who regarded the coffeehouse singer's plaintive voice
with something like admiration, who thought the lyrics an argument
and respectfully made her own claims, who kept
poetic nonsense scribbled in pen on her arms and ensured
the singer could see her caffeine-stimulated eyes
supporting them with every blink and breath

and maybe when chaos overthrew that strange, suspended serenity, collected
itself into a pill and dropped into her glass of humanity
she could distract the chaos by thinking of the small things
because the big things could smash her life apart
and the small things would bring it back
I haven't posted anything in a while. I don't expect anyone to read this because I know it's long and things are busy right now. If you could let me know what you think, I would be really happy. :)

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7 Comments
  • mirkat

    wow, this is so deep and meaningful and i really get to know the character/you a lot even with these few lines. wonderful job, it is so beautiful! and no, i like the ending. i think the last sentence of the last stanza is a bit weak. i totally get what you are saying... it just doesn't pack an extra punch, ya' know? maybe.... well, idk! you can totally keep it as it is. ignore my long ramblings lol <3 <3 <3


    3 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    beautiful <333 wow, this is honestly stunning <33


    3 months ago
  • roo.writes

    this piece is incredible!! my favorite part is the entire second-to-last stanza/paragraph; this charachter you've created seems so loveable. i like the symbolism behind each of the girl's choices; you wonder, why does she choose to sit in the backs of cafes, etc? and each of these little characterizations reveals so much about her personality that each reader could interpret differently. (i think that's a beautiful thing). The language in this piece is so elaborate but simple again in all of the perfect places. Great job!!


    3 months ago
  • JustAnotherDarling

    a whole new meaning to "sometimes, the little things mean the most" - it's splendid :D


    4 months ago
  • tas (yellowbrickrd)

    Also! This is fantastic. There are so many beautiful lines. The words are chosen carefully and are perfect, each sounding a different tune. I especially like this line: a
    dream strung together from melancholic memories. Beautiful.


    4 months ago
  • tas (yellowbrickrd)

    re: thank you sm for your kind comment, really made my day :)


    4 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    This is so good! I really like it. :) Don't sell yourself short.


    4 months ago