Peer Review by U S E R N A M E S (W R IT I NG HIA T US) (United States)

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Dialogue Exercise

By: DarkRaven808


Exercise: “Write a scene composed mostly of dialogue with a child talking to a stranger. Your mission is to show the child as heartbreakingly cute.”

“Is that a gun?”
 Z looked down at the child and back at what was definitely a gun.
“No,” he said, putting it away.
The child narrowed her eyes. “Mommy said lying is bad.”
Z blinked. “Erm-”
“And,” she added, “liars are wussies.” She crossed her arms. “Are you a wussy?”
Z scoffed. “No.”
She beamed. “Good! Wussies can’t be in the Princess Club.”
“Wait,” Z said, “I’m in the Princess Club?”
She rolled her eyes. “Duh, you have Princess hair.”
Z patted his golden locks self-consciously. “No.”
Her smile fell. “Yes.”
“Definitely not.”
“But why?” She whined.
“Because if you go around telling people I’m in the Princess Club, they’ll try to kill me,” he said, struck by the ridiculousness of the statement.
Her eyes widened. “Oh.”
He nodded solemnly. “Indeed.”
She leaned forward. “We’ll have to keep it a secret then,” she whispered.
“Fantastic idea.”

Message to Readers

Hi guys. I am working on my dialogue, so please tell me what you think about the pacing, readability, or any other tips. Thank you!

Peer Review

I think the way you presented the girl in the story was wholesome! It also piqued my interest as to what relationship the girl has to the guy. I find it funny how you introduced juxtaposed personalities/lifestyles into the same scene: A little girl who would probably want nothing more than to do a tea party and a man who has probably gotten himself into deep trouble. The irony of an easier life led by an innocent child vs. the very weird and seemingly dangerous life the main adult is leading, in my opinion, was a great choice and seems to add a deeper satirical meaning.

Who exactly is this man running from and where are the girls' parents? You did a wonderful job adding suspense and keeping the reader engaged! The pacing of the dialogue wasn't too fast and allowed me to fully understand the story while taking my time doing it.

Reviewer Comments

Keep up the good work !