Peer Review by seaomelette (United Arab Emirates)

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When Existence Ceases, Only Memories Survive

By: Fernweh


FREE WRITING

"Who are you?”

The wheelchair-bound man questioned. Her smile threatened to escape but she held on to it. “I’m sorry. I mistook you for my father.” Stinging words unwillingly left her parched-lips. He smiles, recalling her of her childhood.

The same smile which cheered her up then; pained her now. 

"Maybe I can help you find him?” Tears filled her eyes, kindling her grief further.

“You won't be able to find him. I'll never be able to find him again.” She whispered, her throat tightening as she walked past him, holding onto her only souvenir of him; her memories.

99 words.

Message to Readers

Wrote a couple of 99-word stories.
If I get a good response on this, I might publish more.
Thanks for reading!


Peer Review

I really liked the concept of this story, and I love how you managed to convey such a moving plot in just 99 words! I also really loved the title--it definitely captured the essence of the story and immediately caught my attention.


I know this a 99-word story, but I think it would be awesome if you could build on your descriptions a little more. I don't want to be too nitpicky, but I've noticed you have some minor grammatical errors. To help with that, I suggest not bothering with grammar while writing your first draft, and then reading your piece aloud several times to see if any sentences sound funny. I tend to spot little grammatical errors that I missed while writing when I do this trick, and I hope you find it helpful!


Reviewer Comments

Keep up the awesome writing! I'd love to see more 99-word stories from you. ^-^