Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
This is a story for English. Reviews would be great.
I really loved the poignancy and overwhelming sense of loss you conveyed through this story. I also adore the sentence flow you've got going on here - the staccato sentences feel like Parker's grief-stricken thought process.
Don't take me wrong, I love this piece. However, when I first read it, I was a little confused. I understand that Parker and Simon were friends, and Parker, attending his funeral, becomes overwhelmed with grief, hallucinates Simon, and comes to terms with her loss. Yet, I feel that the transition from the funeral to Parker's house to the immediate aftermath of Simon's death is a little too abrupt, and can be disorienting for readers. How did Simon die? What happened that day in the forest? How was Simon freed? It's up to you how you answer these questions, but I feel that if you clarified the story's plot a little more, this piece would be even more impactful. Your descriptions were super gripping, but I think you can expand on them to make them even more powerful. A little trick to remember is "Show, not tell." For instance, rather than stating "His voice was sweet and musical", and ending the sentence there, consider elaborating. Show that his voice was musical, rather than just stating it is. Maybe you could compare Simon's voice to the lulling waves on the seashore, or to the melodic chirps of birds. There are tons of possibilities, and it's totally up to you to explore them! I also noticed a few typos and grammatical errors through the piece--missing apostrophes (i.e. Simons instead of Simon's), uncapitalized words at the beginning of sentences (i.e. she instead of She), and minor typos (i.e. starring instead of staring). These are minor mistakes, but I suggest rereading your drafts several times aloud so that you can catch them. I tend to make careless typos when I get real excited and start typing rapidly, and reading aloud can be so helpful to find them. In addition, when you read your piece aloud, you can see how the overall flow of the story sounds, and if there are any clunky or awkward sentences that can be improved. I hope that helps!
Keep up the awesome writing! I'd love to read this piece again if you choose to revise it. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧