Peer Review by ANSON REYNOLDS (United States)

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i h y

By: Dmoral


FREE WRITING


i haven't seen the stars in forever; no, not since we ripped them from the heavens, for you to sew together into the lace gloves i wore every night i thought of you; it seems, i haven't thought ouf you in forever.

irony, the art of moving on; do you think heartbreak is the end or peak of our golden hour?; that span of our life when we feel for the briefest moment of our existence, that we're worth more than what they've given us.

how come i once confessed every truth that created me, but now i can barely seem to recall the sound of your heartbeat?; shouldn't i remember there was more than your looks that made me fall in love with you?; it all seems like a fading dream, and i rarely reach to remember them anymore.

how did bathing ourselves in the sun's rays while kissing on the beach every sunday, turn to me volunteering at the shelter with my best friend on saturdays?; i was far too young to realize it then, but maturity came to smiling at the end of every day; perhaps, by night i shouldn't be crying or worrying about what someone else to say.

you weren't my beginning, nor will you be my ending, you were simply the ing; the acting phase of my life where i was trying to decide everything, learning that sometimes you have to just keep going and it's okay to not be okay; like moving on, was okay.

you were cute, back when i thought boys would be my ruin; but i need me more than i want someone else who's charming when he's commanding; and perhaps one day i'll find a man, something you always wanted to be, but if i die alone, at least it'll be easy leaving.

title is based on a comment from lovely, sweetheart ek503, who i believe to definitely be an underrated writer. her style is soft poetry and reflection, meaning it doesn't fully hit until the end and then you see it's brilliance. so mini shout out to you love !

Message to Readers

short proses 'cause the one-liners on my notes app aren't corresponding


Peer Review

I loved it! Especially the line about forgetting the guys heart beat - the whole paragraph really about liking people for more than looks - I really loved that because it was such a small but intimate detail.


the fourth paragraph was a little hard to understand for me. I reread a couple ties, so I think I get it now and I really like the ideas in it, but I would look at rewriting it.


Reviewer Comments

Overall, it's pretty freaking fantastic. Good job!!!