Livelovecats

United States

* 15 years old *
* Human *
* Cat lover *
* Writer *
* Reader *

" We don't meet people by accident. Everyone is meant to cross our paths for a reason."

Have you crossed paths with me? It must be fate!!

The Gap In My Heart

September 13, 2020

FREE WRITING

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Seven years ago my heart stretched
It stretched to let him in and give him love

He was sixty pounds or so, with brown floppy ears
And a curly tail, just like a husky
"He's a pure bread German Shepard," said his foster dad
His curly tail said otherwise

His smile lit me up inside, it made me happy
Walks with him were my favorite part of the day
Running around in the yard with him was my second favorite
And using plastic bags after he popped a squat was my least favorite

But in all, it was great
I had a best friend who loved me unconditionally
He had a human who never wanted to leave his side
It didn't last, sadly.

A year passed and everything was fine.
My family moved - a new yard, much smaller, but fenced in.
My brother and I made a friend,
A kid down the street with a British accent.
He was annoying but he had nerf guns and an iPad, 
So all was well

Until he came to our house.
He knocked on the door, but we were all in the backyard
With the dog

The kid had no respect for privacy
He strolled right around to our gate and opened it
It wasn't until it was too late and the dog was bounding towards him
That we saw him there.

"We have to get rid of him" were the words that tore a hole through me.
No, he was my best friend, I couldn't lose him!
But it wasn't my choice to make.
He reminded my grandfather of his old dog,
And he begged to have him.
And so he got him.

Six years passed.
It was hard to see him because it reminded me of what was no longer mine.
I lost my connection with him
And he slowly forgot me.
I never forgot him.

Now I have realized how big that hole in my heart is
I feel it every day.
Up until now, I have been able to fill it with this and that,
But now there's nothing to fill it.

I can't hide behind schoolwork, pretending that I'm not missing something
That only worked for a few years.
My friends are scarce now that everything is weird with the pandemic
So I can't get them to help me fill the gap with the love of my friends.
I just want the love of a dog, a new one.

My old dog will never be mine again.
It's taken a few years to accept that, and now I have fully done so.
But I'm ready to fill that gap
It needs to be filled.

I'm lonely. 
I miss my companion.
I miss having someone who understands me so well.
But my family doesn't.

I can't afford a dog. 
My parents can.
And I can love and take care of it
But they don't want a dog.

It's been six years but they haven't felt those years like I have
They don't miss the dog
I do.

For months I've been trying to convince them that we need a dog
That need a dog.
I've felt sad and depressed, and there isn't anyone who I can be comforted by.
I don't like talking to my parents about it
They just get all "You can talk to us"
But it's not easy to talk to them.

I can talk to my friends, but they can't empathize with me.
They don't know what I'm going through.
The most they can say is "that's harsh, hope you feel better"
And I've had enough of the "I'm sorry" to last a lifetime.

No, what I need is a dog.
I just can't get one.
I know I'll be much better off with one
But it would tear a gap in my family

My parents don't want one
Neither does my brother
They say that it'll hold us down
And I'll be out of the house in three years anyways
They don't want to be stuck with it.

So what can I do?
Nothing I've tried has worked
I still feel lonely and broken
"Take three walks a day - one at six in the morning, one at noon, and one at ten. Then we'll consider it."

It was a long shot, but I took it. 
Two to three miles in the morning
One or two miles at lunch
And then one mile in the evening

Ten days are left until they consider it.
But I already know that they are going to say no
I can still hope though
But that hope might just pull me down more.

What to do, what to do.
At least walking has made me feel a bit better.
It doesn't help that I'm not doing too great in online school
Or that all my attempts at getting a dog are shot down.

I feel sad, and I feel like a dog is my only way out.
Yes, I know it's bad
I know I'm obsessed
But what to do?

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  • September 13, 2020 - 8:23am (Now Viewing)

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