Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
I love how in this little paragraph you start to delve deep into the consequences of becoming immortal, and the hidden dark side to it. I thoroughly enjoyed all the beautiful vocabulary and strong verbs that formed a clear image in my mind, so amazing job on that!
I basically already said this in the comments in the piece, but you could definitely expound on this trap of immortality even more. Right now, I'm still not completely sure how this girl feels about being immortal, if she still thinks she made the right decision, so if you added some more about that, it would make the piece all the better.
Overall, stunning piece with a poignant theme! I hope this review helped somewhat XD