Ibex

United States

Christian
as in Presbyterian Church in America
(denomination)
Writer
Novelist
Reader
Ambivert or something
Self-proclaimed band nerd
Planet Earth nerd
etc, etc
Joined September 10, 2019

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please review!

immortality

September 8, 2020

FREE WRITING

13
she’s stopped keeping track of the years, staring up at the stars on cool nights and wondering what lies beyond the milky way, if the universe stretches on forever. she plucks daisies in the meadows and braids dandelions into her hair. she remembers the fountain of youth, how the water trickled down her fingers as she cupped her palms beneath the flow, sipping the draught of honeysuckle and summer peaches. now youth stains her tongue bright with sour sugar. she is immortal, a dream of a long-lost past, floating along the tender hillsides in search of meaning. far beyond, embers rise among the fireflies and settle themselves into the midnight sky.

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6 Comments
  • therisingwriter

    Wow... what an awesome piece! the metaphor, diction and the way you introduce some back story, 'she remembers the fountain of youth, how the water trickled down her fingers as she cupped her palms beneath the flow, sipping the draught of honeysuckle and summer peaches.' is all really catching!
    Keep the great works!


    3 months ago
  • PureHeart

    I love how this piece flows so well, from one sentence to the next. Beautiful imagery. Just stunning.
    'she plucks daisies in the meadows and braids dandelions into her hair...'
    '..sipping the draught of honeysuckle and summer peaches. now youth stains her tongue bright with sour sugar.'
    Just beautiful language. I really enjoyed it!


    3 months ago
  • ek503

    "now youth stains her tongue bright with sour sugar. she is immortal, a dream of a long-lost past, floating along the tender hillsides in search of meaning." oh, wow. every line in this piece paints such a beautiful, beautiful picture <3


    3 months ago
  • Century Friend

    Wow. The little story that you've crafted within this gorgeous imagery is just incredible. "wondering what lies beyond the milky way, if the universe stretches on forever." — this line seems to mirror how she feels about her immortality as well. Love the metaphor there.
    And there are so many other lines I could quote. It's just so good.


    3 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    ... I'm speechless... this blew my mind. Wow. The imagery and the word choice and the IMAGERY... this is amazing <3 one of my new favorite pieces of yours!


    3 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Beautiful


    3 months ago