Peer Review by Cosmogyral (United States)

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Cosmic Love Dies Too

By: JustAnotherDarling


FREE WRITING

starlight is the music that brings love to life.
it falls like the universe's own natural shimmery glitter
and wraps around us in the summer as the sweet sun sets.
yes, that's when our love is ignited -
in those four minutes when the whole world is bathed in gold;
your face glows orange for just three;
our eyes meet for two;
then the last minute ends,
and it's done.
hearts are falling flowers
as the spring departs with a flourish.
my feelings are like white cherry blossoms with pink frosted tips;
they flutter through the air and settle in your hair,
only to be brushed away with a careless sweep of your hands
which then reach out to hold mine.
and your warm hands are all i want;
they're all i need
as we both fall into this endless spiral of love.
snowflakes are shavings of a dead heart
that shatters when the winter is at its coldest,
when, maybe, the love wasn't real
or "true" enough.
if the day was when our love was alive,
it was the shadows that haunted it;
it was the night that killed it,
smothered it with its empty darkness.
if our love was borne out of starlight,
it was a blackhole that swallowed it whole.


Message to Readers

I...... honestly have got no clue what this is. But I threw some words together and I like a couple of the lines so.... tell me what y'all think :)

I do really want to improve this and give it some bigger meaning, so any/all feedback is greatly appreciated!


Peer Review

the title <3 personally, i would've written it to communicate the sorrow i would feel. no matter what, it's an extremely eye-catching title, simply gorgeous


could you communicate the feelings of the writer more clearly? everything is beautiful, but when you have to nurture your lines, let it mature with the piece.


Reviewer Comments

you're doing great, this work has such wonderful potential. be confident in your work, this is all constructive criticism.