Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
I think this is trying to express the cycle of trying to be vulnerable, and closed off. No one seems to be vulnerable or those who are, aren't around a lot. So why would people have an incentive to be open again? On the other hand those who do try are discouraged, so it's a cycle. The things we read may or may not be exaggerated or it's the writer being vulnerable and they feel special, the reader I mean. People already have the impression society sucks so...
I think it's a matter of playing with the order which sentences are. And compressing the words/sentences. Like, which sounds more effective with your intent? I can definitely hear the rhythm. She's on a tangent, she's nervous, and trying to get everything out before she chickens out or maybe gets interrupted. Maybe because she needs that weight off. However, it's a little difficult to read the large text. Maybe you can compress and reduce the dialogue? And have a couple more pauses where she breathes. For instance, you can have her pause before she says "Oh, I am so tired of all of this..." and have her run a hand through her hair. That could indicate weariness. What type of hair does she have? That sort of things.
I love the message. It truly indicates this sort of perpetuation we have. How social we are or vulnerable or maybe why we're not so open.