~madeline~

United States

euphoria fashioned from stanzas of

disillusionment

est. 8.19.20

Message from Writer

madeline3.14159

'we meet no ordinary
people in our lives.'
~c.s. lewis~

Loved?

September 3, 2020

FREE WRITING

4
I want desperately to be loved. 
I need to be needed. 
Why can't I just go about life not caring what other people think about me?  The pressure to impress is a stressor I can't deal with. 

I constantly ask myself why I have to think like this. Why do I have to be so self-critical?  Why do I have to over-think everything? A simple text from a friend becomes the biggest deal. Did I come off as rude?  Overeager? Uninterested? Just plain irritating? Did they just invite me to be polite? But if I decline the invitation it's going to look like I don't care. 

Why can't I just love myself for who I am instead of seeking the approval of others?

Every second, I am pounded with self-doubt. Even my writing becomes something I can't look at without cringing. 
When did I become this person plagued with a lack of self-confidence?

I look for help. I know where I will find it, but am I strong enough to go to Him for help? 

I know that with His help, I can be strong. But it still hurts. I still look for validation from this earth. Why do I go to this earth when what I am seeking is a breath, a thought, a whisper away?

I was made in His image. 

I am beautiful. 
I am strong. 
My identity is not in what I do, it is how I do it. 
I am not defined by my body, my friends, my grades, my writing, or anything else in this world. 
I am not alone. 
I am loved. 

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  • September 3, 2020 - 9:47am (Now Viewing)

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2 Comments
  • Anne Blackwood

    Replying: SAME. I thought it was wahft/woft my whole life and then that first teacher is like wayft.


    about 1 year ago
  • Huba Huba

    This is sad.. but I kind of relate at times. Is "he" God or the person you like?


    about 1 year ago