Nonsense and more

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A queer mess who only speaks in jargon.

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more often than not I will not make any sense

Crushed

September 1, 2020

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4
Back in kindergarten
When everyone wanted to know
What was your “crush” 

And every time
I was confused

What was a crush?

They told me
“It's someone you want to hug and hold hands with.”
Oh 
I know that

So I had “crushes” 
Random girls in my class 
who loved my hair
Boys on the playground 
who played superheroes with me
But then it changed

What is a crush?

They whispered
“Someone you want to kiss and date” 
Oh,
OH
Kissing?
Gross.

But I still had “crushes”
There were girls
Who I loved to spend time with
And would do anything to make them smile
But no boys.
Weird, right?

But it still changed.

NOW what is a crush?

They told me,
“Someone you want to kiss.”
“Someone you want to make happy.”
“Someone you want to be around all of the time.”

“Someone you love.”

I knew what love is.
I loved my family
I loved my friends
I loved myself
But not the same kind of love.

I didn’t know what that kind of love was
I didn’t think I could love like that
I thought I was wrong
Broken
I had to have crushes
Everyone else had them
Right? 

But then 
I was told
“Not everyone has crushes,
Sometimes, people just don’t love like that
But that doesn’t mean they can’t love.”

Really?

There are words for that?
Others were like me
Felt the same way I did
And knew how frustrating it is

I wasn’t broken
What a relief.

Now I know.

I never really had “crushes”
But I do know love
I just don’t love like that.

I know it seems confusing
But it’s not sad.

I don’t think I’ll ever 
Have a crush.
But I’m okay with that.

I still have enough love to go around.

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  • September 1, 2020 - 2:20pm (Now Viewing)

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