because i’d hoped it would be as simple
as waking up one morning with both feet steady on the ground
sunlight leaking in, spilling clarity into every corner of our canvases
birds chirping in a rehearsed symphony, the breeze delivering its soliloquy
i epiphanize on balconies with my lover and we breathe in the saccharine summer
but in keeping things bottled up i’ve learned that
there is an art in orchestrating peace amongst chaos — there may be no overarching theme to life but cyclical givings and takings
acrescendoing gain, a cacophonous loss and as mad as it sounds, serenity can co-exist with agony.
when i absorb news cycles, i do it with misplaced pride — i let the horrors bore into my eyes, the static enmesh in my mind
and in this hollow home, compartmentalizing quickly becomes second nature
drawers bursting with secrets, shelve any sign of weakness with practice, staccato sounds eventually fade into the background.
so 18 is when i wait for serenity to arrive and this time it looks a little different
it looks like work leave, graduating poly, conversations over coffee,
smaller moments where i let the peace seep in
and it’s a lot more terrifying, reaching out for a more modest dream
of knowing serenity can simply sound like every resilient respite, sinking in.
peace doesn’t have to look one way to indulge in it. similarly this piece isn't that great but i'm trying not to stress about it
- poly is short for polytechnic, a type of tertiary education that focuses on preparing students for the workforce in specialised fields, i.e. where i’m at. one final semester to go before i graduate next April :)
- some life updates if anyone's interested - been hitting a lot of Adult milestones lately: completed the last written assignments of my final year, embarking on my first full-time internship in my field, and i got another surgery to get my other wisdom teeth out (infection returned, my teeth hate me i swear). i've been a ball of stress these past few weeks and it's also my last week of being 18 so that last stanza means more to me now. trying to take it one day at a time in the midst of everything. so i might be less active for a while.