inanutshell

Singapore

she/her/illiterate

Message to Readers

posting this here as well bc it's not showing up on my prose feed. idk if it's a glitch but it is what it is

abandoning long-held ideals of peace

September 11, 2020

FREE WRITING

15

because i’d hoped it would be as simple
as waking up one morning with both feet steady on the ground
    sunlight leaking in, spilling clarity into every corner of our canvases
    birds chirping in a rehearsed symphony, the breeze delivering its soliloquy
i epiphanize on balconies with my lover and we breathe in the saccharine summer

but in keeping things bottled up i’ve learned that
there is an art in orchestrating peace amongst chaos
there may be no overarching theme to life but cyclical givings and takings
    a crescendoing gain, a cacophonous loss
and as mad as it sounds, serenity can co-exist with agony.

when i absorb news cycles, i do it with misplaced pride
    i let the horrors bore into my eyes, the static enmesh in my mind
and in this hollow home, compartmentalizing quickly becomes second nature
    drawers bursting with secrets, shelve any sign of weakness
with practice, staccato sounds eventually fade into the background.

so 18 is when i wait for serenity to arrive and this time it looks a little different
    it looks like work leave, graduating poly, conversations over coffee,
    smaller moments where i let the peace seep in
and it’s a lot more terrifying, reaching out for a more modest dream
of knowing serenity can simply sound like every resilient respite, sinking in.
 
peace doesn’t have to look one way to indulge in it. similarly this piece isn't that great but i'm trying not to stress about it

- poly is short for polytechnic, a type of tertiary education that focuses on preparing students for the workforce in specialised fields, i.e. where i’m at. one final semester to go before i graduate next April :)
- some life updates if anyone's interested - been hitting a lot of Adult milestones lately: completed the last written assignments of my final year, embarking on my first full-time internship in my field, and i got another surgery to get my other wisdom teeth out (infection returned, my teeth hate me i swear). i've been a ball of stress these past few weeks and it's also my last week of being 18 so that last stanza means more to me now. trying to take it one day at a time in the midst of everything. so i might be less active for a while.

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  • September 11, 2020 - 9:21pm (Now Viewing)

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6 Comments
  • V-Rose

    Hey. Would you still like me to update you on Never Really Real?

    Chapter 12 of Never Really Real!
    https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/194150/version/394320

    Please let me know.


    12 months ago
  • sunny.v

    bookmarked to read later! this piece just seems important to u so <3


    about 1 year ago
  • Pravartika Wankhede

    the first line is perhaps your finest ever nat <3


    about 1 year ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Woahhh I did not fully appreciate this when I first read it! I must've rushed through it for some reason. It's amazing!!


    about 1 year ago
  • Abrianna

    ah, i liked this a lot. ouch i had my wisdom teeth out this year but thank goodness i didn't get infected. Poor you. I'm turning 18 in May and I kinda wish I could remain a child. anyhow good luck with all your future, and great writing!


    about 1 year ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Wow! This is a cool concept. And jeez growing up sounds so exciting and terrifying.


    about 1 year ago