chrysanthemums&ink

United States

ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴡᴏʀʀʏ 'ʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛᴏᴍᴏʀʀᴏᴡ ᴀɴʏᴍᴏʀᴇ.

Message to Readers

complex

ok y'all i was only half projecting when i wrote this (like a month ago) so ajshdflkahjsdf THANK Y'ALL FOR THE SUPPORT but it's basically fictional. lmaooo thank you tho.

we stay but you've gone away

August 31, 2020

FREE WRITING

19

arguably, you stayed the better of both of us
and i’d like to stay satisfied on simple things for once
but for me, who is always chasing an untouchable light
such things would only force me to accept that i
have fallen behind

it could be called a tragedy
but i never blamed you for being the star in this story
there could never be anyone to blame but a pitiful person like me
clinging onto preconceived notions of “equality”
i have resigned myself a fate of always trailing behind

i have nothing to hold but myself, my selfishness, and you
leaving things unsaid
being selfish again and again
wanting to stay forever by your side despite it all
why do you pretend to be satisfied?

i count your blessings, day by day
comparing, contrasting, telling myself
that even if you love me like this
even if we stay like this
i will never be able to deserve you

the bitterest things, i keep in my mouth
and the taste stays
hating, hating, hating myself
i keep taking advantage of your brilliance, your kindness
just to hate myself more

i wish i could be like you
i, the most selfish person in the world
will just keep chasing chasing
and one day i’ll be able to finally catch up to you and say
i’m sorry i’ve kept you waiting



 
wrote this quite awhile ago. it's a departure from my usual style but it was a word vomit thing. 

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  • August 31, 2020 - 3:58pm (Now Viewing)

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9 Comments
  • rainandsonder

    finally, some delicious effing food on my dash! i love the rhyme scheme here? especially in that last stanza! agh i'm tired and my brain is not functioning so i can't leave a longer comment but yeah i'm such a fan of your writing as always!


    3 months ago
  • Dmoral

    probably too late to properly comment on this so i'm gonna say the cliche "i loved this!" (which is the truth, but not very special in wording it) and feel ashamed for my poor communication with you, 'cause i feel as though we're so distant from where we were like last month and yeah sorry lovely. AP Euro & AP Chem has been giving me a run for my money and work has me all like *dying inside*, my only savior is midnight poetry + morning runs 5 hours later.
    xoxo -you're one & only (or so i should be) ;)


    3 months ago
  • xXlunagirlXx

    .... Just read the message- whoops XD


    3 months ago
  • xXlunagirlXx

    I feel the same way, but I doubt that you are actually that selfish. Try talking about it with them, you might be surprised to see they understand, if they don't, they aren't for you.


    3 months ago
  • sunny.v

    “ i have nothing to hold but myself, my selfishness, and you
    / leaving things unsaid” aaaa this is so? the rawness of your emotions in this piece is just so. on brand and so so stunning as always? even tho the read is a bit “”darker”” it still felt light and digestible. whoever this person is, i’m certain that you’re just as brilliant as them, in whatever way you mean brilliant to be! i don’t think you’re selfish or pitiful at all for thinking this much upon your relationship/complex (?) in this regard! from stanza 4, it seems like this person loves you, so perhaps you could...discuss such with them? an honest talk helps clear the air and it could maybe give you some closure/a chance to voice your thoughts! tbh tho it’s all in your best judgement. if you ever need to talk about this or want some advice/just a sounding board, i’m always all ears with zero judgement. here for you, you know? best of luck to you, and you’re plenty talented and brilliant yourself.


    3 months ago
  • elliem

    CHRYS!! This is so gorgeous!! And no, you're so selfless! I love this line: "i have resigned myself a fate of always trailing behind". It's so melancholy and it gives the same vibe as entering a house with the lights off and knowing you're alone. Your ending is powerful and connects the rest of the piece together perfectly. You're so talented, Chrys!! <3


    3 months ago
  • waxingcrescents

    Oh gosh, this is so beautiful. i wish i could be like you
    i, the most selfish person in the world
    will just keep chasing chasing"

    Your voice is so strong and clear here. Thank you for this piece. It feels bitter, dark, and beautiful. Wonderful poem!


    3 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    wow, stunning. You are a star—no, a galaxy, the ruler of your story. You are not selfish or pitiful or anything less than amazing. <3 this writing just proves that—no side character could write a poem so raw and real and beautiful. All my love and support and hugs <3 <3 <3


    3 months ago
  • PureHeart

    You blow me away with your writing sometimes, I tell you-
    Never stop writing. Your works are so enjoyable to read, seriously.


    3 months ago