Peer Review by mirkat (United States)

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Crimson Rose pt.1

By: bookmagic


FREE WRITING

    Sabrina stood in the rose garden. She could swear those roses were laughing at her, spitting their fragrances into her face. She never really like Roses. They're beautiful facade did not fool her. They're supposedly soft petals were stained with blood. From the thorns they used for murder. She, of course, looked nothing like a rose. She had dark skin, hair and peculiar amber eyes. And she was quite tall for a thirteen year old. Perhaps she could be a sunflower. But not a Rose, never a Rose.
    There was a Rose once that Sabrina was fooled by. She seemed to grow without thorns. When she laughed, everyone would look at her and whisper. She didn't care though, Rose didn't care that people thought she was an airhead. They would say that she had her head in the clouds, but, in truth, people who live on the clouds are the closest to touching the stars. She had learned that from Rose.
    Sabrina began to cry, it was her fault. If only she had listened to her. But Roses thorns had already grown.
    Gone was her snowy white hair with that blue streak in it that made her look celestial. Now it was black and crimson. Gone were those unique silver eyes. A glance from them was worth gold, but now they were dull and gray.
    Sabrina hadn't seen her since the day she came to school that day. When someone made fun of her, she would shove them against a wall. She didn't have her head in the clouds anymore, now she had it underground. The only person she smiled at that day was me. I didn't know what was going on, not then at least. 
    I told her she was scaring me, that this wasn't normal. I guess that wasn't what she'd been expecting and I never saw her again.
    "You can't even keep a friend," the roses seemed to say. She didn't stomp on them this time, instead she collapsed.
    "I know it's all my fault," Sabrina sobbed.
    "Gone?" someone asked. She looked up, nothing only the rustling of the leaves where the voices owner stepped. Then...there was...laughter.
    "Rose?" Sabrina whispered nervously. The rustling stopped. 
    "Who else would it be," said Rose, stepping into view, smiling.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!

Peer Review

There was a ton of good dialogue and backstory and really drew me in. Now I want to know a lot more! Your word choice was also really good and demonstrated maximum impact with a minimum amount of space.


So much! I want to know where and what and why Rose went. I want to know what happened to cause that. Why Sabrina blames herself. I'm also wondering if roses will make more of an appearance. They seem like an awesome symbol to use to set the tone and elude what will happen next.


Reviewer Comments

Beautiful job! Overall, this piece was very entertaining to read and I really loved it! I really want you to think about the rose symbol thing because that can be a very powerful tool for you to use later on in the story. Anyway... awesome job and keep writing! <3 <3 <3