Karma’s_Coming

United States

AJR
Bored Washingtonian who thinks 60 degrees is hot
An INTP-A / INTP-T apparently??
Weeeeeeeebb
My response to how was your day will always be
"Meh"
I'm a meh person, what can i say

Message to Readers

The idea here is that there are two “characters” that represent some different stuff. And the Souls are supposed to be an entire generation that’s kind of patching the world back together. But I kind of want readers to come to their own conclusion, cause this kind of has an open end (if that makes any sense).

Picture This:

August 27, 2020

FREE WRITING

5

a congregation of Souls stand on a platform,
the World as their witnesses.

hundreds of thousands of people soak in their words,
finally understanding the impossible.

these people had claimed superiority,
growing up with magic at their fingertips.

the possibility of peace, finally attainable.

each Soul’s words resonating with every being to walk this dying earth.

each child being birthed into a world being scrubbed clean by a dirty cloth.

each Soul raises a hand in salute,
to the shackled minds hiding in daylight. 

and the World joined the Souls.

they worshiped flaws as if they were saviors. 

knelt in the face of shame,
as though bringing the devil a gift,
right on his doorstep.

and they smiled. 
This is one of the pieces I would actually really appreciate a review on. Or just a comment noting some things I could improve or add on. I want to find some places to go deeper, but I’m not exactly sure where that should be. So help is welcomed (more like quickly ushered in.)

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  • August 27, 2020 - 6:23pm (Now Viewing)

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3 Comments
  • journal.scribbles

    Replying (it's been a few days, sorry!): No problem, I'm glad I could help. And thanks for the clarification. I'll make sure not to literally knock myself out. XD My device is being all weird and deciding to replace most of the symbols with a weird box thingy, but thanks anyways for the link. Have fun getting rid of those tabs. Also, hi Murphy!!!


    about 1 year ago
  • Huba Huba

    This piece is interesting! I'm not good at reviewing poetry, so sorry I'd have to pass this one. I hope to help you in your future works. Also replying to your comment on my piece, thank you!


    about 1 year ago
  • journal.scribbles

    First of all "help is welcomed (more like quickly ushered in.)" That is such an accurate way to express a writer's plea for critiques. If you don't mind, is it okay if I borrow that phrase for my message box? I'll definitely give you credit for it. Second of all, beautiful piece! It could be interpreted in so many different ways right now, and that's fine, but if you want to make your story more clear to the reader, maybe elaborate more on the two characters? I wouldn't have recognized there being two characters without your message. It might also make this piece even better if you added a few lines about what dirtied the cloth that cleaned the world and why the world was in need of a savior. I don't know if this was helpful to you at all, but this piece is amazing! Good luck!


    about 1 year ago