Peer Review by Malkiboy (United Kingdom)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


By: Huba Huba


The doorbell rang. 
I dragged myself and the bird nest sitting at the top of my head over to the door. The same quarantine days have included me having a mental breakdown every once in a while, and forgetting how to participate on a normal day of interacting with humans other than myself, my family, and my friends that I'd bother to call. If the doorbell rings, it's either an advertisement or a delivery. 
I open the door and a ray of sunshine comes through. Is the source of the sunlight the sun? Of course NOT. The ray comes from a lady's smile, whereas the edges of her eyes are wrinkled and her lips are stretched to the side. In her hands sit a bouquet of flowers. 
You're probably thinking, why not add an adjective, and say, "a beautiful bouquet of flowers?" Perhaps they'd look beautiful to any normal person, but I've never really understood why anyone would waste their money on them. You cannot eat them, you cannot drink them, nor do they have any use. While they may work well as decorations, I find them too temporary. 
But flowers always arrive when something big happens. Like when a soldier must sacrifice his safety and well-being to go to war, when student is on the way to college to start a new stage in life, or when an adult achieves something great. 
"Hello," she smiles at me again. "These are for your mom." 
"Thank you!"
I turned around and called, "MOMMMM!" 
From the small hall in our house, my mom rises from the couch and appears through it. Her eyes are dark and her expression is sickly. Thankfully, her surgery will be tomorrow to fix this. 
"Hey Lily!" my mom exclaims as her expression changes in a blink of the eye. 
"Here are some flowers," Lily began. "I wish you a good recovery after your surgery!" 
"Thank you," my mom replies as her hands are pried open and flowers are shoved into them. 
"The mahjong group will miss you!" 
My mom sighed. "If only this old lady will recover quickly." 
"Who's old?" Lily asked jokingly. "If you're old, then we'd be ancient statues!" 
"I'm older than all of you, though." 
Lily laughs. "You look the youngest, though." 
My mom finally smiles. 
"Anyway, I have some laundry to do at home," Lily began. "I wish you luck, see you after your surgery!" 
My mom and I wave to Lily, and I close the door. The room darkens as Lily, the ray of sunlight has gone, but the room stays warm. The flowers remain in my mom's grasp. 
We grab a water bottle that my dad got for free when he got his job (like who keeps a bunch of vases around in their house?) and put in the flower nutrients. Thanks to science, our temporary house decorations can last longer. 
Thanks to science, my mom will be with me for a very long time.  

It's a random short story that I decided to write. I guess it's a true story (woah) and it's something that's happened recently. I feel like on that day, the second my mom was being given flowers, I knew that the surgery wasn't going to be a small thing, although it wasn't a major surgery(nothing like a heart transplant, don't worry). 
Also I want to apply to be a WtW ambassador, but from the directions I couldn't tell what email I was supposed to email the application to, as wasn't a valid email. Anyone can help? 

Message to Readers

Uh I guess help me improve my narrative writing skillz

Peer Review

I really like the use of figurative language. You've employed it really well.

If the writer continued with this, it would be interesting to find out more about the protagonist's personality.

Reviewer Comments

Hello. I decided to review your work because you've been so helpful to me and I want to thank you for it. I really like your piece of writing here! But I do think you need to be careful about switching tenses. This is written mainly in the present tenses but you did switch to past. However this was only a few times and sometimes it's alright to switch tenses but I'd be careful when you can and when you shouldn't. But this is really promising!