Peer Review by Paisley Blue (United States)

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i have rocks in my heart, now. eroding away every second of every day.

By: dovetrees


FREE WRITING


the wind screamed and the clouds cried when i lost you.
the flowers wilted and the trees became tired, their trunks bending with the gales.
disturbing dreams of days gone by, desolate and deserted and empty.

wet asphalt reflected the orange streetlight's glow, the sound of footsteps dulled by the water. 
water that spills down my back, into my boots, down my sleeves. welcomed like an old friend,
my eyelashes are heavy, spilling it down my cheeks like lost tears. because i couldn't cry. 
instead, i let my boots become ponds as the water falls over the edge. 
my heart doesn't fly anymore. i have rocks-- huge boulders-- weighing it down
like an anchor, they rub against each other and crumble all the time, and it hurts
the moon hides itself away and the stars refuse to tell their stories tonight. 
nothing felt the same when i lost you.

hello! this is not what i'd usually write but hey, i had an idea! i wanted to make it longer, but didn't want to ruin anything so ta-da! i start school next week and i am NERVOUS but it'll be okay i think, fingers crossed :D

Peer Review

Wow, that first stanza blew me away! It is so vivid and emotional--the whole piece is! Simply stunning!


Well, maybe if you added something about who was lost or how they were lost? I really don't know. It is both perfect the way it is and longing to be longer. I think whatever you choose will be right!


Reviewer Comments

This is such a heartfelt and emotional poem! I absolutely love this. Your word choice is so beautiful and sad. Wonderful piece! Happy writing! <3