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Message to Readers
this is my first piece of poetry, give me some advice and pls be honest, i want to grow and be better
I love the rhythm in the fifth and sixth line especially! You also create great pictures! I also like the beginning, because it instantly creates the setting.
I think it's quite complete.
I think you could leave out some words to create more rhythm: in line 9 you could leave out the "those" and in the previous the "a". But that's just my opinion.
I really like the whole setting and the thoughts you brought to paper. Well done!