Peer Review by Dragonfly (Germany)

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rain

By: Elissa


FREE WRITING

Rain pourng today
And under my blankets I lay
I wonder if it's sad
Or a hidden beauty it had
I wonder, I wonder
What's inside a thunder
A sad raging man
Or a someone heartbroken
Maybe a girl cries those magical tears
Or maybe they are melted fears


This is my first poem, I've never writtn any, hope it's good 


Message to Readers

this is my first piece of poetry, give me some advice and pls be honest, i want to grow and be better


Peer Review

I love the rhythm in the fifth and sixth line especially! You also create great pictures! I also like the beginning, because it instantly creates the setting.


I think it's quite complete.


Reviewer Comments

I think you could leave out some words to create more rhythm: in line 9 you could leave out the "those" and in the previous the "a". But that's just my opinion.
I really like the whole setting and the thoughts you brought to paper. Well done!