Gryffin

United States

Message to Readers

Any constructive feedback is good for me. I'm trying poetry, free-verse style, for the first time. Tell me what you think! (This isn't a memoir or non-fiction, by the way.)

Sacrifice

August 22, 2020

FREE WRITING

2
I watch the minutes trickle by 
as if they were diamonds pricking the floor

Faster, smarter, harder, better
every second not spent working is wasted
They call the churning mess productivity, but my mind cries out,
quietly suffering so I could be one step closer to the Holy Grail

I am not special
I am ordinary, no -extra attached
I was just lucky enough to afford a dozen extracurriculars and the finest tutors
My parents expect no less
They came here with $20 in their pocket
And built their way up from nothing
Happiness to them means success
and they only know one way to achieve it

Every time someone compliments me,
I feel the empty hollow in my chest
where a heart should be beating.
Could they see through my facade?
That I have no talent
intelligence
or quirk
I just work until I feel like collapsing,
every movement forced, every moment spent in criticism,
pushing me deeper into a pit of guilt
I will never escape 

I am not new to hate
I feel it when I look at the starved body in the mirror after months of restriction
when my eyes catch the dreaded red marks on the paper
or competitions I will never be good enough to win
I created the Demon when my perfectionism demanded more control
It constantly tears at my soul,
its appetite never satisfied, hungering for extremes

I want to be perfect
a shining gem
the pride of my family,
but each time I try, something shatters inside me
And I realize:
even diamonds crack under pressure.

 
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3 Comments
  • Gryffin

    Thanks for the comments! This is mostly based on my emotions but details about the family, etc. are not autobiographical. I wanted to make the emotion genuine so I could communicate my frustration.


    6 months ago
  • bookmagic

    And also, welcome to wtw if you are new. I can't tell


    6 months ago
  • bookmagic

    This was so amazing. You should totally be who you are. Get out there and find who you are meant to be. And if you really think you aren't talented....I mean seriously this poem says it all. YOU ARE!


    6 months ago