United States

est. 2018
she/her | junior
semi active; chaotic life.
published writer + classics enthusiast.
obsessed with name titled poetry & songs.

Message from Writer

i'm known for my long freakin' comments and highlight crazy reviews, but like seriously? life's been to crazy y'all, so bear with me, please.

if i call you "love" or "lovely" that's just how i talk, so don't freak out lol

write to someone that you use to know

August 16, 2020



Title: remember?

to: ------
from: someone who remembers you (and prays you remember them too)

do you remember me? i like to think you do, but something claws at my heart, hissing at me: no, and they don’t want to. if i gave you my name, i don’t think it’d mean anything to you anymore, so i’ll make you remember me through memories. because if there is one thing i know i’m good at, it’s remembering the past.

third grade. that’s when we met and i invited you to my birthday party. you said, i wish i could go, but my mommy won’t let me. she doesn’t know you. and i understood that because my mom was like that too. do you remember that? i do. i remember having that party and thinking about what it would be like if you were there too. i remember crying that night because everyone pretended it was someone else’s party and played that game for the rest of my birthday. i remember hating that birthday for the rest of my life, and telling you about it years later.

veggie straws in the front seat of the car. that’s how are parents bonded, remember? we watched from the back seat as my papa drove and your mom ate the snacks we had hidden in the glove box. we were grinning and glancing at each other, while still trying to figure out what they were saying: uhmm, these are good, what are they?......veggie straws....ooh, where do i was at that moment we knew, we’d be hanging out a lot more. remember that? remember how ecstatic we were at the thought of sleepovers and hangouts? i remember talking to you about that moment hundreds of times afterward, sharing the thoughts of our parents bonding, thinking that was everything.

middle school transitions (no one likes 6th graders, we all know this; unless, of course, you’re a sixth-grader too but even then, none knows who they are enough to know anything). but there we were, smiling at each other thinking about that secret code we created the last weekend of summer wondering when we’ll start passing notes through our lockers. remember that? i remember telling you how much i hated my eyebrows at the end of the day and you just shrugging telling me, i think they’re okay. i remember each day one of us grabbed onto the other’s bag and raced down the hall, called ourselves a hall train. i remember innocence sounded like us giggling back then.

eight-grade writing assignments were far too underrated and to tell you the truth, i secretly loved them. i always pretended not to ‘cause all the cool kids hated them, including you. and for the appreciation assignment, i outlined a piece about you. but before i could tell you, another friend already finished their (sloppy) essay featuring you and that lunch you leaned to and said, now i have to write about her too. and here’s something you couldn’t remember ‘cause i never told you: seeing your guys’ essays with the words my best friend ------ and my best friend ------- hurt far more than i wanted it to. and it was at that moment i realized i was losing you. do you remember those essays? do you keep your safe and remembered, or did you forget about your best friend too?

highschool screwed us over, you could say, as if it’d had the fact that it was actually you. our friend groups didn’t have each other in it; but it was you who left me first so i had to find another person to hang out with. and i hope joining the popular kids was worth it and became everything to you because it cost you me (that is, if i meant anything to you) and my heart shattered the day i realized i couldn’t call you my best friend anymore. remember the last day we spent together? the day before i dropped out of the school to move, us passing empty promises together: keep in touch. text you soon. i’ll be here for you. lies never left so many scares on such a broken tissue of friendship. do you remember that message you sent me a month into my new school? i thought you forgot about me and i refused to reach out to those who didn’t really care about me moving away. i remember waiting two days before texting you back because it takes a lot longer for me to put on the facade of friendship with you when we use to have a real one that was once true.

do you remember anything i told you? do you remember me crying on you for years? do you remember the photos of us? do you remember those confessions i told you? do you remember when i called you my best friend? because i remember every damn thing and once in a blue moon a photo of us drops to the ground and i find myself crying because i miss you. i loved you. and the biggest pain that still lingers is wondering that if five years ago when someone asked you, who’s your best friend? if you ever answered with my name and a smile on your face. but i don’t think you did. that’s the only thing i don’t remember, your answer, ’cause i was never there when someone asked you.

do you remember your answer?
kudos to whoever read this outrageously long piece (also, sorry if it's a mess. after composing it for a week i've given up editing). i haven't written anything of this length (909 words) in a fat minute. btw, yes this is true.


See History
  • August 16, 2020 - 9:55pm (Now Viewing)

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  • happy butterfly

    your talent is unbelievable and your work has so many layers to peel through.i wonder how this is possible,your work is just an inspiration.this piece is so relatable,so the pain here really is just increased.but wow,all the emotion! im speechless

    3 months ago
  • Landofstories

    wow, this tugs at my heartstrings. i've been in that position and it sucks, so I'm sorry<3 your writing is just wow, i can't describe the feeling i get but it's nostalgia and beauty and about a thousand other things too. thank you for sharing this and a piece of you. now i really know why they call you a queen here <333

    3 months ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    i'm reading these comments, and i'd like to add that wow, you write a lot pretty personal pieces, and it basically always helps someone out in their own life. thanks for sharing a part of you with us!

    every time i read one of your pieces, i always notice this IMPECCABLE tone you have in your writing. especially with personal pieces like this, it just brings that perfect observational yet emotional tone that is perfect for readers to relate to. it's so easy to visualize and to just... feel. even in that last wavering paragraph, the language does not project. it displays perfect emotion without forcing it onto the readers, and i can't tell you how much i appreciate and love that. this piece is devastatingly real and it hits somewhere good. love you, queen! <33333

    3 months ago
  • Westley

    Can I just thank you for writing this? Some days ago I read this. It inspired me to write a letter to a friend I lost a few years ago. I really missed them. I took up the courage to send it to them, and they felt the same way. We've started talking more, and decided to get together sometime.

    Thank you so much! If you hadn't written this then I never would have thought to write that letter. By writing this you rekindled an old friendship of mine, I think that's really cool.

    3 months ago
  • Ren

    Awwww, this is really sad. The way, you define all the emotions definitely hurt my heart. Though, sorry you had to go through all that, it's pretty hard to recover.

    3 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    It's pieces like this that remind me that I'll never quite be able to wrap my mind over the magnificence of your writing

    3 months ago
  • dovetrees

    my goodness, what a piece. the emotion in this is so raw and candour that it hurts my heart a little bit - i think we've all encountered something like this at least once in our lives, but that doesn't mean that it hurts us any less each time.

    'because it takes a lot longer for me to put on the facade of friendship with you when we use to have a real one that was once true.' wow, wow, wow! this is so, so real! really hits hard, as i'm sure this is not a rare occurrence. i'm so sorry that this is true, they really lost a wonderful friend (you).

    reply: oh my gosh, thank you! that's so incredibly kind of you i just - asdjfskl. also, that quote is definitely one of my favourites by c.s lewis :) in the dedication to lucy in the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe i think! :D

    3 months ago
  • erin!

    this piece is so honest, and i think the core of it is something a lot of us know. friendships are so difficult and when they change it really, really hurts. i loved the line, "but before i could tell you, another friend already finished their (sloppy) essay featuring you and that lunch you leaned to and said, now i have to write about her too. " maybe because it's a little bit snarky, but also because a very similar thing happened to me in middle school.

    3 months ago
  • FantasyOtter12

    OHhhHHHh this is heartbreaking..if i were in your position and I'm at that time just going into highschool if that best friend left me too i wouldnt have any idea what to dooo

    3 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    Ohh honey hugs <3 this is so sad. I had something similar happen to me—not quite as emotional, but I can relate. I'm sorry you had to go through this <3 all my love

    3 months ago