Peer Review by JazzMinnelli (Sri Lanka)

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By: madeleine

She detects his lean figure in the congested hallways, breaking the barrier between the flows of traffic. In that moment of contact, all of their memories fill her like an old cup of coffee. Cold and bitter but keeps her up at night. She recalls one of their last memories together, uncovering something she didn’t notice before.

She’s shook back to reality as their arms are separated. Weeks ago they were platonically in love and now it’s nothing but old memories of what could’ve been. All of it just to be strangers and it’s her fault.

Peer Review

I love the way you avoided giving your characters names -- it makes the reader feel as if it could be them in your story. I love your powerful title and the way it suits your story. Great work!

You explaining that the guy and the girl became strangers because of the girl's fault was so beautiful. I loved that part. It brought about a sense of heartbreak and loss. Nicely done. :)

It sure would be better if you could give a small description of what had gone on between the two characters and why they had drifted apart. I was in the dark there and I'm sure your readers would love to know why! Also, readers don't like to have most of the story a mystery. Concealing a few things works a charm. Just a suggestion. :)

Great story! It would be great if you could let the reader in on a little secret of what went on with the boy and the girl.

Reviewer Comments

Keep writing and good luck! :)