Peer Review by Rockzilla100 (Canada)

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By: rainandsonder


lightning spits from the mouth
of the sky, heaving in the
august heat; the horizon
growls like a dog, white
teeth snapping outside my
curtains at the heavy 
black air. earth's body shudders,
tossing and turning as she waits,
sweat clinging and eyes rolling,
for the fever to break. 
her back arches, veins steaming
into the atmosphere, and hot tears roll
involuntarily while we all
pretend to sleep.  

wanted to write something quick for the heatwave that we're currently in where i am, and this is the product of that. i woke up at 5AM because i heard thunder, which was surreal because we never get storms where i live. as always, comments are appreciated! really looking forward to autumn when things finally start to cool down; it's my favorite season. anyone else burning up? 

Peer Review

The way you pair words together and make metaphors/Smilies sounds so formal and professional. Where you placed commas and Semi-colons added to the emphasis and the emotion. The font you chose was perfect, It's beautiful but imperfect in a way (Which reminds me of fire, Something heat-related)

Why is this personal to you? You've said in your footnotes that you've experienced a heatwave, Was this based on your experience? Some of your lines have two points in them, Maybe hit return whenever you hit a comma. Is there anything you can delete to make it more concise and shorter? Or what makes each line important to you?

Reviewer Comments

All of my feedback is my opinion, Take it or leave it, Do what works for you and your piece. I have never experienced a heatwave so I'm not sure what your emotion was behind it Because I've never been through it. Is there a way to make the reader experience a heatwave in their own way, Even if they've never been through it?