rainandsonder

United States

"the audience is only safe when the story isn't about them."

they/them - probably listening to sufjan stevens

Message to Readers

credit for the title goes to the band bright eyes, as the title is roughly paraphrased from their song "at the bottom of everything”

down from the bottom of everything

September 19, 2020

FREE WRITING

27
the first type of loneliness is when i start
to see my own face in the bumps on my bedroom
ceiling. sometimes

it feels like i'm locked in a marriage with
my own head; i come home, say "honey,
we need to get flypaper, they're driving
me crazy, and say what's for dinner,"

she looks and doesn't answer, she loves 
to look and not answer, she's an it, she's a
he, she's me, there's no pronouns for something that's alive
without a heartbeat. later she drifts into the
bedroom, sees me

try to tear down the rafters with my eyes,
says "we need to repaint this room, look how
it flakes where the walls meet." i laugh, say, 
"like snow?"
"no, like skin,"
and we both stare 'cause we can't remember
when this became our home. 
and don't you know,

the sky is a mirror when you live in a monochromatic
world. she points at an airplane dropping thirty thousand feet
from the air, 
says, "look, baby, there's us."
 
here's one about the danger of living inside of yourself rather than the world around you, featuring gender identity issues and a bright eyes reference. i've spent the past half hour trying to figure out a title and eventually i just gave up, so it's subject to change when i come up with something better. honestly, i wrote this two weeks ago, sat on it for about a week, and then struggled with it for another week before cutting out a stanza and deciding to go ahead and put it out there. i'd love feedback because i still feel pretty on-the-fence about this?

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15 Comments
  • Eblinn

    rereading this and wow... this is still too perfect. I love your writing style!


    2 months ago
  • antizoeclub

    re: thank you!! and yes i adore richard siken so the fact that you would say that is the highest compliment <33


    2 months ago
  • jun lei

    i heard from sunny that it was your birthday; happy belated birthday! i'm so glad i stuck around wtw to read your stunning poetry. you're a beautiful writer and a beautiful soul, and you know, i think you might be godsent, the rose-fingered dawn gilding you with divinity, perhaps even a deity yourself. maybe that's why i am blessed twofold with each opportunity to read your writing.
    look to the stars and you will see one pulse and plummet. make a wish, and know that you deserve all the world has to offer.


    3 months ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    ack the first stanza is such a stellar opening. coupled with the title and footnotes, it's a perfect set of words that describes this feeling perfectly. the third stanza is just wow. the feeling of "living inside of yourself" is so poetically expressed, and this piece leaves me almost enlightened. i especially love the conversation in the fourth stanza, "like snow?" /"no, like skin," and the carryover words at the ends of the stanzas a lovely touch as well! and wow, the fifth stanza. "look, baby, there's us." in response to the horrific image of an airplane plummeting the sky. oh god, that's so so good. reading this makes me wanna write something, but fsadj;lj gah this is so so good.


    3 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Replying: Nope not a bay area kid here. But I have visited. *shrugs*


    3 months ago
  • sunny.v

    “ she's an it, she's a / he, she's me, there's no pronouns for/ something that's alive /without a heartbeat.” ???? you’re an actual genius, how is it possible to write something so legendary. the whole stuck and helpless and uncomfortable vibe of the piece is literally so strong and the dialogue is so telling and perfect. wow. honestly a favorite piece on here!


    4 months ago
  • rainydayz

    omg this piece is wonderful. “it feels like i’m locked in a marriage with my own head” ahhhhh absolutely wonderful!


    4 months ago
  • outoftheblue

    "try to tear down the rafters with my eyes,
    says "we need to repaint this room, look how
    it flakes where the walls meet." i laugh, say,
    "like snow?"
    "no, like skin,"
    and we both stare 'cause we can't remember
    when this became our home. " the dialogue between the stanzas is so effortlessly flowy and gorgeous and i can tell this was a personal piece for you to write.


    4 months ago
  • wintermagic (#holidayvibes)

    So relatable. I can't imagine how you made loneliness sound beautiful, but still crazy and desperate at the same time. It feels like something that might actually happen not just what it feels like when it happens. It is a great piece of art.


    4 months ago
  • Century Friend

    Beautiful and so, so relatable. There are a whole bunch of lines in here that are just incredible. I love how you took this internal experience and put it inside the frame of an external one, and the dialogue really adds to it as well. Love this poem so much :)


    4 months ago
  • dovetrees

    what an amazing piece! 'there's no pronouns for something that's alive
    without a heartbeat.' a stellar line that really does drive the point home. i love the use of dialogue as well, super effective in establishing the relationship you're portraying. i loved reading this!


    4 months ago
  • Eblinn

    I love how some of the sentences are cut-off, that adds to the alienation of the character's feelings here.
    "the sky is a mirror when you live in a monochromatic
    world" that sentence is everything wow.
    The third stanza is my favourite -actually the fourth one is so stunning as well, the mood change in the conversation there is just perfectly done- seriously, I adore this piece. "she looks and doesn't answer, she loves 
    to look and not answer, "
    The title makes me wonder about all the types of loneliness out there. Beautiful work!


    4 months ago
  • inanutshell

    love this, esp the second stanza - the use of such a normal/domestic scene really shows a stark contrast to the abstract concept of "marriage with my own head". and agree w/ what daylightprisms said about the dialogue! feels like an intimate conversation here.


    4 months ago
  • daylightprisms

    the sky is a mirror when you live in a monochromatic
    world. she points at an airplane dropping thirty thousand feet
    from the air,
    says, "look, baby, there's us."- the use of dialogue here, sort of interspersed in between your internal monologue is just so beautiful, writing about gender identity is definitely something very raw. <3


    4 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    Wow, I really love this. I honestly think this is one of my favorite pieces you've written--and I love everything you write. I love the way you (as the main character) have conversations with yourself... the last stanza blew me out of the water. Amazing piece. I'm going to go read it again... and again... and again. Stunning, truly stunning.


    4 months ago