Peer Review by writertobe15 (Canada)

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That Night

By: Jess C


Darkness. 

It starts to surround me as I attempt to take another shaking breath. Just breathe; in and out. Then my body surrenders, propelling me into obscurity. To fall onto a blanket of vulnerability. 

In the days following, my mind tries to repair - throw out the shattered pieces of that night and rebuild. But I can't forget. I never will. My eyes no longer see what is there but just replays it over and over and over, like a horror film that won't end. I need her by my side - but she isn't there. My sister. Gone.
 


Peer Review

The title gives the reader the automatic question: What night is the writer talking about? The preview even shows darkness as your first word. In my mind, I wanted to read this story.


The introductory sentence to lead us in to the second paragraph does this successfully. It informs the readers that a night had a great impact on the story, therefore having somewhat to do with the plot of the story. Even if the idea is right, the idea is still implied, while doing this successfully.


No. The mysterious aspect to the story does give you that illusion, but the story is very well-formulated.


It's a one-of-a-kind story. This makes it not only unique but better than most pieces of writing. People can relate to it and even if they can't, they get to know for a couple miniutes the tragedy that occurs when you lose a sibling to such a fate.


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