Peer Review by KAnn (United States)

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That Night

By: Jess C


Darkness. 

It starts to surround me as I attempt to take another shaking breath. Just breathe; in and out. Then my body surrenders, propelling me into obscurity. To fall onto a blanket of vulnerability. 

In the days following, my mind tries to repair - throw out the shattered pieces of that night and rebuild. But I can't forget. I never will. My eyes no longer see what is there but just replays it over and over and over, like a horror film that won't end. I need her by my side - but she isn't there. My sister. Gone.
 


Peer Review

The title tied with the one-word sentence in the beginning instantly creates an ominous mood that wants the reader to know what happened on "That Night".


It is clear that some traumatic event occurred based on the thoughts and actions on the character. The last couple of sentences also guides the reader of the general idea of what happened, yet it still leaves room for speculation (how did the sister die?).


Nope!


Details are great as well as the line of thought portrayed :) I especially liked your diction or word choice!


Reviewer Comments

Great work! I can't wait to see you become a stronger writer--you're already walking on path to get you there!