That Night

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2020

Darkness.

It starts to surround me as I attempt to take another shaking breath. Just breathe; in and out. Then my body surrenders, propelling me into obscurity. To fall onto a blanket of vulnerability.

In the days following, my mind tries to repair - throw out the shattered pieces of that night and rebuild. But I can't forget. I never will. My eyes no longer see what is there but just replays it over and over and over, like a horror film that won't end. I long for her by my side - but she isn't there. My sister.

Peer Review

What drew you into this story? How did the writer pique your interest?

This was a compelling take on loss. Your use of repetition is bold, especially given the word limit, and I found it very effective. There's a chilling atmosphere throughout, and it lasts until the final word. Nicely done!

Flash fiction requires the writer to use the power of suggestion—planting an idea or question in the reader’s head without explaining fully. Where did the writer do this successfully?

This might've just been my interpretation, but it seems like the sister was murdered in front of the narrator's eyes.

Were there any places where maybe too much was left unsaid, leaving you confused?

Nope- I could follow the plot pretty well.

What words of encouragement do you have for this writer as they continue drafting their story?

I'm impressed with how you tackled such a complicated subject in so few words. I truly felt the narrator's loss, and the phrase "horror film" added an element of terror.

Reviewer Comments

I would maybe title your story with something like "On Repeat".