Peer Review by crow_e (United States)

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The unstoppable Mr. Tyme

By: Cec


Mr. Tyme thought himself unstoppable. He preferred to move forward, passing the most incomprehensible situations - moon landings, the birth of one Albert Einstein, Aliens - but never staying and without so much as looking back. Sometimes, just to make things interesting, he would walk at different paces, even running when he felt like it. Nothing could stop him.

Until something did.

People called it fate, god, even science. But the truth was, nobody knew what had made Mr. Tyme stand still. There were theories, speculations, presumptions.

And Mr. Tyme himself?

He just sighed.

He would move on later.
 


Message to Readers

How did you feel when you finished reading this story for the first time?


Peer Review

the hook! i'm always on the lookout for pieces with a short but intriguing hook, and this one is a perfect example. then, after the short exposition, the line 'until something did' kept the tension going right as i was worried it would slip! good job!


I think the fact that you don't mention what stopped Mr. Tyme is a good choice - the reader doesn't really need to know, and that in itself is an interesting thing to note. The central thing in this story is not /what/ stopped Mr. Tyme, but that whatever it was stopped at all. Good work!


I think you've covered a lot here, but I think adding in /where/ Mr. Tyme is moving around, even if it's a metaphorical [rather than actual] space, would give the story a sense of place that it doesn't really have. Everything happens somewhere, right? where does this happen?


This is a really good first start! Overall you've done a great job with the form, there are just a couple little things that need work.


Reviewer Comments

Thank you so much for sharing this piece! Let me know if you want me to look over another draft of this, or if you want me to review another one of your pieces - I'm always happy to help!