Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
How did you feel when you finished reading this story for the first time?
the hook! i'm always on the lookout for pieces with a short but intriguing hook, and this one is a perfect example. then, after the short exposition, the line 'until something did' kept the tension going right as i was worried it would slip! good job!
I think the fact that you don't mention what stopped Mr. Tyme is a good choice - the reader doesn't really need to know, and that in itself is an interesting thing to note. The central thing in this story is not /what/ stopped Mr. Tyme, but that whatever it was stopped at all. Good work!
I think you've covered a lot here, but I think adding in /where/ Mr. Tyme is moving around, even if it's a metaphorical [rather than actual] space, would give the story a sense of place that it doesn't really have. Everything happens somewhere, right? where does this happen?
This is a really good first start! Overall you've done a great job with the form, there are just a couple little things that need work.
Thank you so much for sharing this piece! Let me know if you want me to look over another draft of this, or if you want me to review another one of your pieces - I'm always happy to help!