Apparently, I'm 17
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Somebody run through castle ruins at midnight with me

Soft girl/Dark academia mix

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Message to Readers

I don't know what this is. Just kidding, I do, but it's personal and I don't know why I posted it. I know it's long, so thank you if you actually read it. Much appreciation. Alternate title: Toxicity.


August 12, 2020



    you were there before you were gone. you must have been. i used to see you free and happy, and now you live as if controlled by a puppet master. face empty. eyes unrecognizing. gone.

    or, rather, semi-gone.

    semi. it's a funny word. when something is not enough to consider whole, and too much to consider gone. i guess it means you're half-there, and half-not. i mean, you used to be there. and not just semi-there. wholly there, wholly and beautifully there. so what happened? why do your eyes glaze over in the corridors, why do your lips stay parted when you don't speak, why do you ignore me as you never would have a few years ago? who took your soul and left your body?

    society. it pulled at your eyes, scratched at your lungs, squeezed your heart. all so you would be like it. and the worst part is: you wanted to. you wanted to look it in the eyes and be just like it. and now you are, which is why you're just semi-gone. you're you, but with society's hand guiding you. a perfect mould of what the media likes to see.

    semi. it's strange, because you like to be semi-gone. you think it makes you powerful. you can use it to tease everyone fully there, and envy everyone fully gone. you're reaching there, too, and i know once you're fully gone, there's no going back to the soul you left behind. you're a megalomaniac, you know. you've always been, but only now it's dangerous, when you have actual power.

    i pity you. i pity your dull eyes and your shrunken heart and your broken body, walked all over by the cruel shoes of humanity. because you think being semi-gone makes you admirable, desirable, enviable, but it doesn't. it makes you insane, and not in the good way.

    semi is a word that corrupts. semi chokes, semi strangles, semi manipulates. remember that next time you think your throne crushes those who semi hasn't wormed its way around. semi isn't a gift, only a curse. and you are the cursed, my dear. or, shall i say, semi-cursed.

    semi. it's all you could ever be.
yes, this is about a real person (who is very corrupt and who i have removed myself from.) teehee don't we love making pieces lashing out at people to ignore our pain?


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  • August 12, 2020 - 2:33pm (Now Viewing)

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  • rainandsonder

    agh this is too relatable, i know this feeling all too well and you capture it so perfectly here.

    4 months ago
  • happy butterfly

    ahhh this piece is so relatable.it hurts so much when people you care about change.
    also your footnotes are soooo me! its such a great outlet though.
    also i like the title 'semi' more than 'toxicity' just my oPiNioN

    4 months ago
  • outoftheblue

    "when something is not enough to consider whole, and too much to consider gone. " god ellieeee i hate to say this but toxic people as muses really do bring out the best in writers, don't they? anyway absolutely lovee this piece. the repetition of 'semi' kind of emphasises the sort of jilted feel to it as a whole.

    4 months ago