Peer Review by Z.Bunzigiye (Canada)

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Bar Kiss

By: Kieran Hau


I just wanted a relaxing drink, but it seems that pandemonium always follows me. It started out fine as I swiped something from the fruit bowl and grimaced as I bit into a rotten plum. I threw onto the floor as a troll lumbered by me suddenly slipping across a table where soldiers and goblins were gambling. Dice and money flew everywhere as the players bolted up from the table, infuriated. They picked up and flung an innocent orc at the troll. All hell broke loose. The bartender turned bright red as the barmaid turned and kissed an ogre.


Peer Review

I like the little vignette. It was cute. You really wrote a story in under 100 words and I commend you for it. You perfectly executed the prompt flash fiction prompt.


Perhaps try modifying your sentences. The way that you're relaying information gets a little repetitive. You form most of your sentences like this: (subject, usually the "I")-(verb)-(complement). It can make for a boring read. And I think that you can change this format or even replace those sentences with descriptions of details or focusing on imagery. Try planting in a little mystery in there.


You successfully left no questions needing to be answered. I'm not confused, the story was clear and easy to follow.


You have done such a good job of writing a story in under a hundred words. That isn't easy and I think that you should give yourself a pat on the back for the amount of editing you must've done. Great work!!


Reviewer Comments

I liked your story. I encourage you to keep on writing!! :)