Peer Review by And_The_Stars_Laughed (United States)

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holding on / letting go

By: inanutshell


FREE WRITING


uncertainty pricks at me,
seeking for something to consume,
some shred of confidence it can feed on.
i let it wash over me,
let the sorrow hollow my bones out in this
hypnosis of the heart.
pastel skies swirl before my eyes,
worlds dissolving as i know it,
so i search for some belief to hold onto.
hope flickers like a lightbulb, kept alive by conviction
and no one makes me believe like she does.

//

do i deserve her? god, no.
she’s a protector; some sentinel seraph of my soul
while hell is a sanctuary i’d be lucky to get to know.
she’s my anchor, holding me steady and strong
but she hangs on by a thread, stripped bare,
grounding me at her rock bottom.
is this why it’s so hard to let her go?
if ignorance is bliss, then knowing is the realisation that
there are no winners here in the inevitable aftermath —
neither of us will walk away unharmed,
and no one will hurt us like we do.
 

- two mini poems making up one about co-dependency, mirroring the relationship portrayed here
- petition for me to stop always using religious imagery - i’m so over it but also my brain’s like: how bout just one more time...

Message to Readers

idk what this is ok, y’all are just gonna have to pretend it makes sense


Peer Review

First off, I love the diction in this piece! Every line has a seemingly effortless flow to it, and I can sense the emotion. "let the sorrow hollow my bones out in this hypnosis of the heart" was perhaps my favorite line, as it was so striking and it perfectly illustrated what you brought up in your footnotes: a co-dependent relationship. I also love how you separated this piece into two "mini-poems" -- I think it really enhanced the two different themes here that are summed up in your title (ie: holding on and letting go). I've read poems about these two topics on numerous occasions, but I don't believe I've read a piece that brings up both of these ideas and ties them together. I think that your last line was an excellent ending, too; it really made everything come full-circle and was so intense and emotional, rendering me speechless. Phenomenal job!


In order to add to the emotion that is vividly displayed here, perhaps you could think about what impact it might have on your piece if you decided to add some dialogue between the two characters in this relationship? Or perhaps you could dive into one "scene" in their lives, really showing the co-dependency? Ultimately, what type of effect do you think it could create on your piece if you added tangible details that are specific to this couple and really gave them a "story." Maybe you could add another stanza here, or perhaps you could add it into the stanzas you already have: it's up to you. However, feel no need to take this suggestion, it's just a thought. :)


Reviewer Comments

Overall, this was a really fun piece to read and review! If you have any questions, feel free to let me know, and in the meantime, keep writing! :)