inanutshell

Singapore

she/her/illiterate

Message to Readers

idk what this is ok, y’all are just gonna have to pretend it makes sense

holding on / letting go

August 16, 2020

FREE WRITING

17

uncertainty pricks at me,
seeking for something to consume,
some shred of confidence it can feed on.
i let it wash over me,
let the sorrow hollow my bones out in this
hypnosis of the heart.
pastel skies swirl before my eyes,
worlds dissolving as i know it,
so i search for some belief to hold onto.
hope flickers like a lightbulb, kept alive by conviction
and no one makes me believe like she does.

//

do i deserve her? god, no.
she’s a protector; some sentinel seraph of my soul
while hell is a sanctuary i’d be lucky to get to know.
she’s my anchor, holding me steady and strong
but she hangs on by a thread, stripped bare,
grounding me at her rock bottom.
is this why it’s so hard to let her go?
if ignorance is bliss, then knowing is the realisation that
there are no winners here in the inevitable aftermath —
neither of us will walk away unharmed,
and no one will hurt us like we do.
 
- two mini poems making up one about co-dependency, mirroring the relationship portrayed here
- petition for me to stop always using religious imagery - i’m so over it but also my brain’s like: how bout just one more time...

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10 Comments
  • dovetrees

    re: ahh i know :( so sad. i feel like the email they sent me was kindly passive aggressive ?? or is that just me haha? ++ thank you so much! really appreciate it :,)


    2 months ago
  • dovetrees

    reply: thank you ever so much :,) you're so kind! <3


    2 months ago
  • rainandsonder

    "no one will hurt us like we do" ok this is just?? i love the last lines being written using "we/us" rather than "i/me" or "she/her" to sort of mirror the codependency of the relationship, and the way you write here has a certain melodic quality to it, like the words just flow lyrically when you read them aloud. fantastic work!


    2 months ago
  • erin!

    "if ignorance is bliss, then knowing is the realisation that
    there are no winners here in the inevitable aftermath —
    neither of us will walk away unharmed,
    and no one will hurt us like we do."

    replying: thank you always! you are seriously the best :)


    3 months ago
  • V-Rose

    Here is Chapter 9 of Never Really Real!
    https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/186093/version/375591


    3 months ago
  • dovetrees

    reply: hahah thank you so much!! i also have had the creeps recently with bugs, and had to get it out. everyone keeps opening my bedroom window!! i had to take down six huge moths with my sister... yuck. also SPIDERS omg they make my heart skip a beat every time i see one 0.0


    3 months ago
  • Pravartika Wankhede

    hell is a sanctuary i’d be lucky to get to know.
    beautiful. also, nat im running out of puns on your name. help a girl out?


    3 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    Wow. "pastel skies swirl before my eyes, worlds dissolving as i know it, so i search for some belief to hold onto. hope flickers like a lightbulb, kept alive by conviction" this hit me out of nowhere!!! Simply stunning. I adore this!


    3 months ago
  • daylightprisms

    "she’s a protector; some sentinel seraph of my soul
    while hell is a sanctuary i’d be lucky to get to know.
    she’s my anchor, holding me steady and strong" the religious imagery in this is simply stunning. The lines "hope flickers like a lightbulb, kept alive by conviction" really do stand out to me so much, so well written.


    3 months ago
  • dovetrees

    i love this!! 'let the sorrow hollow my bones out in this
    hypnosis of the heart,' is amazing! it expresses a very specific feeling that comes with what you're describing. i also loved the second poem's imagery!! so beautiful :) religious imagery can be super powerful, and you use it so well!


    3 months ago