Peer Review by Mr. Colin E. (United States of America)

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shame/ paradise lost

By: Pravartika Wankhede


FREE WRITING

Saffron isn’t the colour of bigotry,
But, saffron will be the colour of shame.

Veiled eyes spark black with pain,
Almond-rose skinned infants were snatched:
In the dead of night,
In the saffron reign,
By: hate greater than love, all strings attached.

From the Mothers of the Valley- hijab-bound,
And free,
I learnt more freedom than the Stars and Stripes,
Could ever teach me.

Saffron isn’t the colour of bigotry,
But saffron will be the colour of shame.

Masters of trickery won the second we
Chose: Patriots over humans; stagnation over revolution,
And the snow vales ran red.
 


Message to Readers

The great Mughal emperor Jehangir, died with Kashmir on his lips; he could only visit the Paradise on Earth when he was taken to be buried there. Kashmir, the Paradise Valley now shrouded saffron, breaks my heart. Their people will fight till they are all dead, or till they are free. Indian atrocities in Kashmir must stop NOW. Please, please, please raise your voices and let there be international pressure from all of us. Let Kashmir finally be free of torture. Let Kashmir be free
Love and light,
Pravartika


Peer Review

What surprised and moved me about this piece was the overall poetically powerful call to action theme of it. Saffronisation, from what I'm reading, is a terrible atrocity where innocent mothers lose their children based on racial and religious prejudice. People need to do something about it or it will get worse. Also, your choice of words such as "shame", "black with pain" "snatched", and "stagnation", were rattling to the bone.


Aside from the reasons mentioned in the foot note, what other reasons did you have for writing this piece? Is this based on a personal experience? Something you've seen on television? Or based on something else entirely? How did you feel while writing this? Passionate? Sad? Angry? Creative? Proud?


Reviewer Comments

Hello Pravartika, it's your friendly neighborhood Senior Peer Reviewer and I very much enjoyed reviewing your piece here. I found it to be enlightening and deeply moving, especially now with what's going on in the world nowadays. While there are some things in need of improvement, it's still really good and I fully encourage you to keep writing! On a minor personal note, I think you have a beautiful name; Pravartika means "one who inspires" and that's exactly what you're doing here as a writer here on Write The World.com. Nice work!