erin!

United States

叶安灵 // 16, 2022 // she-her-hers
hey hey

Message to Readers

gettin real

oversharing on the internet: a talent of mine

August 8, 2020

FREE WRITING

12
    I wanted it to be you. I mean, I was an idiot, but I was an idiot who knew what she wanted. We didn’t even know each other, not really. I don’t know what you saw from me, but I saw castles and stars in you.

    Do you know how much I love writing? Most of our interactions happened in my diary, dazzling pieces of flash fiction that I was hoping to manifest. I noticed every little thing about you. I can prove it with the pages I filled from October to June.

    I can’t stand the sound of my mother’s voice during her conference calls, the high-pitched Wall Street laugh, the obnoxious businessmen on the other side. My house is always loud. Sometimes you and I would sit in silence. I really, really liked that.

    Sometimes I like to dance alone in my room to Taylor Swift’s entire discography. It’s my escape, where I get to be soft and unfiltered and real. People at school think I’m a hardass, so you probably thought the same. It’s a little scary to think I would’ve let you dance with me.

    I am obsessed with social media attention. If the post doesn’t get enough likes, it comes down. I hate that about myself. You never post on social media. You hardly even like pictures. Whenever you liked mine, I would stare at the notification for days. Told you I was soft.

    Truthfully, you don’t cross my mind anymore. Okay, you cross my mind sometimes. But your appearances in my diary entries have ceased; you’ve been demoted to a guest star rather than a member of the main cast. I told you I was doing good, and I really am. When we were something, I had no idea who I was, and I have some guesses now. We'll probably run into each other soon. It’s a small town, you know. All I ask is that you stay beautiful.
*This isn't really an edited diary entry, but I took snippets from a few of them and put this together. Some people wanted a sequel to "you're not meant to see this," and I think I needed closure for myself, too.

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  • August 8, 2020 - 9:22pm (Now Viewing)

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5 Comments
  • outoftheblue

    "Sometimes I like to dance alone in my room to Taylor Swift’s entire discography."
    never have i ever felt more called out before. honestly, though your work is always so beautifully honest and real.


    4 months ago
  • rainandsonder

    agh this is way too relatable for me. reading it feels like reading a secret blog or something, it's so raw and beautiful in a melancholy way.


    4 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    I'm astonished at how write say things. Your narrative voice feels so normal yet intense. I still don't quite know how to describe it.


    4 months ago
  • kealoha

    this is so beautiful and relatable, gorgeous :)


    4 months ago
  • Hi, I'm Bored

    Okay, the raw beauty of this piece should be illegal. I love this so much. And I relate way too much. "Sometimes I like to dance alone in my room to Taylor Swift’s entire discography. It’s my escape, where I get to be soft and unfiltered and real. People at school think I’m a hardass, so you probably thought the same." I have never related to anything more than these few sentences right here. And this "I mean, I was an idiot, but I was an idiot who knew what she wanted." And let's not forget to mention that this "Truthfully, you don’t cross my mind anymore. Okay, you cross my mind sometimes. But your appearances in my diary entries have ceased; you’ve been demoted to a guest star rather than a member of the main cast." feels almost heartbreaking is the best worst way.


    4 months ago