Peer Review by Wicked! (India)

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love, thesaurus definition (review exchange! read message)

By: rainandsonder


FREE WRITING

love, thesaurus definition:
synonymous for throwing rocks at the window
of the dying house in the woods just to hear
something besides myself. to look at the 
broken glass on the ground and think, 
"that's me." there is a metaphor here
somewhere, but don't try to find it.

when i see my phone light up with your
name, i am a thesaurus definition of the crickets
in  the meadow past your house: noise, blast, buzz,
clamor, crash, cry. you'll notice none of those words
are actually the same. what i mean is, let's go to
the grocery store and talk about every time we
ever lost our parents in the aisles. how my loneliness
is the same as the squeeze of your heart when you
ran to who you thought was your dad just to
find a stranger's face. what i mean is, let's be birds but not
the singing ones. no, not the colorful ones either. let's be
ordinary and desaturated in our nest of the world.

i love you theoretically, in the way i love
the dying house, in the way i love the dying
city, in the way i love fire- in the distance
or else when it's all falling apart. still there's the
burn on my finger. still there's the airport line. and
still, the broken glass on the ground. 

UPDATE: as the title said, i am now doing review exchanges! i'm looking for feedback on anything published past july of 2019, particularly the following: "love, thesaurus definition", "roadrunner/coyotes/god/you", "aug 2019//aug 2020", "december fragment from my notes app", & "every color bleeding from a blurry windshield". i'm interested in reviews that are detailed and really break down what works and what could work better. be as harsh as you can. if your honest opinion is that a whole stanza needs to be cut, or that you just don't like the poem, i want to hear that, as long as you explain why.
if you go into my "peer reviews" tab, you can see that i do my best to give detailed, constructive reviews, and so they take me a while to write; if you don't get yours for a while, i probably am just taking my time, but feel free to comment to make sure! if you want to do a review exchange, comment on whichever piece of mine you plan to review letting me know you're going to take part, and telling me which piece of yours you'd like me to review! i won't take requests past august 20th, and i won't review factual essays and articles but i'm willing to do personal narrative essays. otherwise, if you're interested then just let me know!

Peer Review

Believe me when I say that I loved every single line here. I didn't highlight them all because (a) that'd be kind of unreasonable and (b) I simply don't know enough synonyms of 'brilliant.' You've described love in an unconventional way that one doesn't get to see much and I absolutely adore that. Your writing is always deeply thought provoking and beautiful, and this piece is no exception. Yeah, I definitely don't have the hugest crush on your writing.


This piece feels 'complete' and I don't think that it needs any expansion, per se. But if you really want to expand on certain ideas here, you could talk more about the 'dying house.' I feel it could be expanded to include a beautiful image that would wonderfully suit the piece.


Reviewer Comments

This is a beautiful piece and I'd love to read another draft if you write one. Do let me know if you have any questions! All the best with your writing :)

Also, I'm really sorry that the review is so late!