rainandsonder

United States

"the audience is only safe when the story isn't about them."

they/them - probably listening to sufjan stevens

Message from Writer

an important piece by outoftheblue- https://bit.ly/3dBxv5r

black lives matter & pride is over but the fight for lgbt+ rights is year round.

bio quote is from the magnus archives

love, thesaurus definition (review exchange! read message)

August 11, 2020

FREE WRITING

12
love, thesaurus definition:
synonymous for throwing rocks at the window
of the dying house in the woods just to hear
something besides myself. to look at the 
broken glass on the ground and think, 
"that's me." there is a metaphor here
somewhere, but don't try to find it.

when i see my phone light up with your
name, i am a thesaurus definition of the crickets
in  the meadow past your house: noise, blast, buzz,
clamor, crash, cry. you'll notice none of those words
are actually the same. what i mean is, let's go to
the grocery store and talk about every time we
ever lost our parents in the aisles. how my loneliness
is the same as the squeeze of your heart when you
ran to who you thought was your dad just to
find a stranger's face. what i mean is, let's be birds but not
the singing ones. no, not the colorful ones either. let's be
ordinary and desaturated in our nest of the world.

i love you theoretically, in the way i love
the dying house, in the way i love the dying
city, in the way i love fire- in the distance
or else when it's all falling apart. still there's the
burn on my finger. still there's the airport line. and
still, the broken glass on the ground. 
UPDATE: as the title said, i am now doing review exchanges! i'm looking for feedback on anything published past july of 2019, particularly the following: "love, thesaurus definition", "roadrunner/coyotes/god/you", "aug 2019//aug 2020", "december fragment from my notes app", & "every color bleeding from a blurry windshield". i'm interested in reviews that are detailed and really break down what works and what could work better. be as harsh as you can. if your honest opinion is that a whole stanza needs to be cut, or that you just don't like the poem, i want to hear that, as long as you explain why.
if you go into my "peer reviews" tab, you can see that i do my best to give detailed, constructive reviews, and so they take me a while to write; if you don't get yours for a while, i probably am just taking my time, but feel free to comment to make sure! if you want to do a review exchange, comment on whichever piece of mine you plan to review letting me know you're going to take part, and telling me which piece of yours you'd like me to review! i won't take requests past august 20th, and i won't review factual essays and articles but i'm willing to do personal narrative essays. otherwise, if you're interested then just let me know!

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9 Comments
  • Wicked!

    Just wanted to pop in and tell you that I've /finally/ submitted a review of this piece. I'm so sorry that it's incredibly late—something came up unexpectedly and I got busy. I also just realized that I said I'd review "every color bleeding from a blurry windshield" first (no points for guessing who's the dumbass) so I'll review it in a couple of days, if that's fine?


    3 months ago
  • Wicked!

    Amazing work, as always! I'd love to do a review exchange with you—I'll review "every color bleeding from a blurry windshield" and if I get the time, this piece too. Could you review "fading" for me? It's an old piece, one that I used to like, but I reread it the other day and definitely didn't like it much. Please be harsh with the review, I really want to know if that piece is trash or not. Here's the link: https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/135464/version/260866


    4 months ago
  • erin!

    replying: thank you so much for being so nice! this is also brilliant, ill think about a review exchange ;)


    4 months ago
  • dovetrees

    oh my gosh, okay. firstly, i LOVE this!! the first paragraph carries so much subtle depth, which is just fantastic. and the last paragraph gives me lemony snicket 'the beatrice letters' vibes because these decriptions are beautiful! 'what i mean is, let's be birds but not the singing ones. no, not the colorful ones either. let's be
    ordinary and desaturated in our nest of the world,' this too, is just golden! i love the way you've written this because it really immerses the reader due to the conversation-like tone, as if you're having a conversation with us, guessing what we're saying. (see:doctor who, series 3 ep 10 hahah!) and just adds that bit of depth that makes it so real, conveying very real emotions to the readers.
    secondly, a reply: thank you so, so much for your comments! they were so lovely and really made me smile :)
    thirdly, i would love to review "december fragment from my notes app"!! (i've only done one other review and that seemed to be okay!) i might do another one (you don't need to review another of mine!) to practice reviewing though :) i'll let you know about my piece when the review goes through! ^_^ <3


    4 months ago
  • Tula.S

    love this idea


    4 months ago
  • asphyxiated

    oh and dont review "my ugly hair" either as it was just venting


    4 months ago
  • asphyxiated

    replying: you're welcome! i say whatever speaks to you that i've written, you should review. it doesn't really matter, as long as its not the tree metaphor lol


    4 months ago
  • asphyxiated

    I wrote you a review on aug 2019//aug 2020, just waiting on an admin to approve it :)


    4 months ago
  • Hi, I'm Bored

    Okay, so first, this poem is absolutely amazing. I mean
    "...in the way i love fire- in the distance
    or else when it's all falling apart. still there's the
    burn on my finger. still there's the airport line. and
    still, the broken glass on the ground. "
    This is so beautiful. You put something that's so hard to descried into words and it's gorgeous in the softest saddest way. I also love hoe you repeat "what i mean is..." I feel like the repetition is great.

    Second, I think it's really cool that you are doing a review exchange. I feel like I really suck at reviews so I'm not going to participate (at lease until I get better at them).


    4 months ago