Peer Review by RaMiya (Canada)

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Lost Sister

By: Dragonfly



A closed door in front of me. An Easter egg in my hands. The door leads to the room next to mine. If I’d knock, nobody would open. Nobody would react. The distance between me and the girl in the room is growing. When we meet we barely talk.
I place the egg on the floor. She’ll see it immediately.
I lift my head again. Vivid memories invade my head. Children searching, laughing. I feel tears emerge and flee into the bathroom. Nobody will see. My sister won’t know that I cry for her.
 


Message to Readers

Hey, every kind of feedback is welcome! I am not sure how relatable the story is, so I'd like to know whether or how much feelings are conveyed. Also I don't know how well the "Easter setting" fits to the scene. Thanks for any kind of review


Peer Review

The easter egg definitely caught my attention. It was just an object I haven't thought about in a while and it made me curious to see how it would be incorporated.


When you talk about the distance and the loss of a bond, I think the first question that comes to mind is: Why? What happened? And then the last line makes you wonder why the character hides her tears. Is it pride? Or a necessity? I have lots of questions but in a good way.


I don't think there's any part of the story that's too cut-off or empty, but I am curious as to why you chose an Easter theme. I know you're worried about whether it fits or not, and it does, but I just wonder if your choice of holiday was deliberate. Like does the family have a special connection to it (religious or otherwise)?


I really like your writing style and the way you stuck to shorter, quicker sentences. Something about that makes the story more suspenseful. Your choice of words gives the entire piece lots of feeling and emotion. I think you did a really good job!


Reviewer Comments

You're a great writer! Keep up the good work and good luck!