inanutshell

Singapore

she/her/illiterate

Message to Readers

heyo!! finally just gonna submit this!! flash fiction is not really my thing, but wanted to try it anyway.

with the 2nd sentence, i tried to make it a metaphor for how the mother does not have the means to/could not care for her child but idk if that was clear enough tbh as this is supposed to be more ambiguous - let me know

First Memory

August 14, 2020

It is on these icy steps that my mother leaves me alone, afraid, and at the hands of an unpredictable world. She tucks my tiny blanket in, desperate to protect every inch of my fragile skin from the cold, but the more she pulls, the more it stretches at its frayed ends. So she makes do with one last kiss on my forehead, the warmth from her emaciated hand still lingering when she slips away with the daybreak.

I try to understand as I watch her disappear, the whispers of her apology floating away with the frigid wind.
 
word count: 98 words
tried to be precise, so every detail matters here! i write a lot about family (specifically the lack of one) so i tried to do a different variation of that to avoid every single one of my family pieces being the same lol

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21 Comments
  • seul_writes

    "the whispers of her apology floating away with the frigid wind", the emotions that was conveyed in this line was so beautiful. such an awesome piece. wishing you all the best!


    3 months ago
  • Bonnie Park

    this is so so so beautiful. the imagery, emotion, word choice ... everything!


    3 months ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    ik i'm late but ;asldfja;sd when i was drafting my own ff piece, i read this over and over again because of the imagery. there's a perfect amount left unsaid, and the strong descriptions make everything feel so... real? "but the more she pulls, the more it stretches at its frayed ends." that is one detail. i love how it shows that the mother still cares, but everything she does (or think she does) just makes it worse. wishing you the best!


    3 months ago
  • rainandsonder

    i'm so glad we have prose, but i'm going to miss you on wtw anyway when the time comes :/ anyway, fantastic piece! i thought the metaphor really worked in that second line, it's probably one of my favorite lines in this piece, although i really love that last line too.


    3 months ago
  • VividReverie

    Oh wow, this is incredibly emotional and well-written! I love the word choice in this, and the whole piece captures this heartbreaking goodbye so well. I feel like I'm actually experiencing it myself, which is amazing. That final line ties everything together perfectly, too. You've managed to capture such a powerful story in only a few words!
    Replying to your comment: Thank you so much!! I would actually love to turn it into a full-length piece, so thanks for the encouragement.


    3 months ago
  • beth r.

    This piece is so emotional and so well written!!
    I'm totally not crying *sniffs*
    Replying: Thanks so much for the comments on my work!


    3 months ago
  • Bhavya's Treasure

    Heart breakingly gorgeous!!!
    The title and the last line are so stunning!
    All the Best!


    4 months ago
  • outoftheblue

    "she makes do with one last kiss on my forehead, the warmth from her emaciated hand still lingering when she slips away" uwu this is just such a soft, warm piece. your subtle metaphors and lovely use of descriptive language here is so, beautiful as always.
    (also nyahhhhh don't talk about leaving :((/ we need to cling on to our fav elder's leg)


    4 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender

    This is great and I love the first person from the child! Good luck!


    4 months ago
  • Wicked!

    Wonderful imagery here! The metaphor does work really well. Also, sunny's right—you leave when you're 19.5 so this certainly isn't your last comp :)


    4 months ago
  • .amelia.

    Frayed blanket...icy steps... the feels!

    It's devastating that the child still dubs her 'my mother' Nice work! :)


    4 months ago
  • erin!

    im going to CRY but of course it's because this is amazing. i have to review it soon.
    also replying: college essays in the us are basically how students tell colleges that they're worth accepting haha. i don't know how college works in singapore, is it just a test or is it as complicated as it is here?


    4 months ago
  • sunny.v

    noOOOOOOOOO. why’d you DO THAT. also: i believe you’re allowed to stay until you’re 19.5, so this doesn’t have to be your last one! though, i have you on prose and ig, so i won’t be *too* broken up about it. *sniffles*.


    4 months ago
  • dovetrees

    i really cannot express how much i love this enough - a review is coming your way! :,)


    4 months ago
  • Landofstories

    uh....WOW.


    4 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    Yes. Yes yes yes. This is powerful and I completely understood what you were trying to say. The details about the frayed blanket added so much to this! I felt the cold and I felt the uncertainty. This is amazing.
    Also, I cant believe you're turning nineteen!!!! :( I'm going to miss you a ton. You've been such a presence here, and I admire your writing. Luckily, I dont have to say goodbye yet—not until the last moment. <3
    This is a great piece, best of luck in the competition!!!


    4 months ago
  • Doodleninja

    I am lost for words. You portray this theme, this heartbreaking story in such a concise, gut-wrenching manner, with all your perfect descriptions, and powerful suggestions, and that ending line!!!
    The 2nd sentence works super well with the description of the frayed ends of the blanket and how all she can offer is one last kiss on the forehead.
    And then how the narrator is just trying to understand because they're only a child in a cold, cruel world...*cries*
    You knocked this one out of the park. If this is indeed your last comp, then you certainly did it justice with this stunning piece. XD


    4 months ago
  • Ren

    Forgot to mention in the last comment, that this might be my favourite piece yet, also I love the way the title connects with the story so smoothly. Keep up the good work!


    4 months ago
  • Ren

    I really really like this one! The imagery is so clear, the words you used are just so amazing. The second line was clear to me even without reading the message. I wish you good luck in the competition!


    4 months ago
  • mindfruit

    Great piece. Love the imagery and the last line, "whispers of her apology floating away with the frigid wind." The second sentence was a bit unclear to me; I could tell it was used as a metaphor but didn't quite grasp what that metaphor was. The way I saw it, it meant that the mother wanted to keep her baby safe, but the longer she clung to it, the more problems would occur. That's kind of along the lines for the meaning you were going for.


    4 months ago
  • Lata.B

    Aww! This is so sad!


    4 months ago