dovetrees

United Kingdom

"ad astra per aspera."
16
baking, swimming, & doctor who and history enthusiast
infj, hufflepuff, est. july 2020

Message from Writer

"one day, you will be old enough to start reading fairytales again."
weekly must-reads! (every sunday):

12th march, 1938 - vienna.

August 6, 2020

The dove outside my window? Bad omen. We lost a brother last time-- can't have lost another? Her tapping spikes my nerves like distant gunfire. Commotion floods the street. Cheering crowds, neighbours I don't recognise anymore. 
Black boots. Black cars. Black crosses. Scarlet flags.
That bird's relentless tapping! The opened window invites in the morning's nervous breeze, extinguishing the evening's Shabbat candle.
She offers me her paper-swaddled leg.
Papa's scribble scratches black and panicked on my mind;
                                                   Sie fangen Juden. Fliehen.
Boots on the stairwell. No time to pack. Gloved and hell-bent fists reach my door before I do.
(translation: They're capturing Jews. Flee)  99 words! 

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13 Comments
  • Wicked!

    Wonderful piece! I love the beginning—it creates an engaging hook. The short sentences work very well to create tension. Really well written piece :)


    3 months ago
  • ect.13

    This is brilliant! I've just submitted a review - hope you get it soon :)


    3 months ago
  • rainandsonder

    damn, this is good flash fiction! it delivers a punch, flows quickly and keeps the same tone/imagery throughout, gives you a strong story that has character and emotional impact in just ninety-nine words. i love the line, "Her tapping spikes my nerves like distant gunfire", and the short, snappy sentences you use really work in showing the reader the narrator's anxiety around the situation. best of luck in the contest!


    4 months ago
  • outoftheblue

    danggg it this hits hard
    Good luck!!


    4 months ago
  • Bhavya's Treasure

    *claps*

    Very well captured! That time was really painful. The last line is still ringing in my ears!
    All the best!

    Re: Thanks a TON!!! <3


    4 months ago
  • sunny.v

    oh, gosh. the tension here was unreal, and the ending...I expected it, but still! great work with this piece :)


    4 months ago
  • ~wildflower~

    This is a wonderful story! You have captured this moment and created so much tension so well, in so few words! The way that you have included lots of short sentences and varied the sentence lengths really adds to this tension, and I love the authentic feeling of the part that’s in German. This truely is a great piece, and the last sentence really packs a punch. Good luck in the comp!


    4 months ago
  • inanutshell

    oh damn. i'm a sucker for ww2 stories - even tho i knew that ending was coming you've still managed to build this tension and keep the narrator on edge here. that last line is especially haunting, love this!


    4 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    This is amazing! And so clearly written. Thanks for the translation, also. Amazing piece!


    4 months ago
  • Century Friend

    Wow. Exactly like Landofstories said, you've captured so much in so few words. You never explained outright what was happening, and yet it was so clear, hauntingly so. Every sentence drew me in.


    4 months ago
  • Landofstories

    replying: thank youuuu!!!


    4 months ago
  • Landofstories

    Wow, this piece is so powerful!!! And in such a little amount of words you've conveyed everything that's important to know and just wow.....tbh i'm in awe


    4 months ago
  • Lata.B

    Omg this was so good!! It drew my attention right away and kept it till the end!


    4 months ago