doodleninja

United States

18

~your local angst-y Christian girl~

when I'm not brooding you can find me trying to write comedy in my series "stereo tropes co." :)

soli Deo gloria!

Message to Readers

Okay, I need your vote.
Do I keep the line "every atom inside will burn alive"?
Or do I take it out?
Or do I keep it and put it somewhere else?
Please tell me what you think/where else I could put it :)

he will defy

August 7, 2020

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2020

3

They stamped an expiration date on his forehead at birth. 
Printed in black was the dismal declaration that he would not live to adulthood, and this terminal disease became his identity: a dead boy walking, a cold, lifeless corpse. 
Every breath, every hiccup, every smile was a miracle.  
And their skeptical glances were matchsticks, rubbing against him, lighting up the rage inside. Perspectives dressed in black, for in their minds, he was already in the grave.
No, he was not meant to survive.
But he will not die.
Every atom inside will burn alive. 

He will defy.
 
Word Count: 97
Thank you so much for the reviews, especially the review by theheadphonesgirl!
Please to look at the Message from Writer :)

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4 Comments

  • theheadphonesgirl

    Hey, thanks for the mention in footnotes XD, glad to see you modified your piece, it truly is brilliant writing. Thank you for your comment on my work btw... I vote for removing the line, your ending is perfect even without it.


    7 months ago

  • DreamingButterfly

    I think it would work to switch "every atom inside will burn alive" with "he will not die" so the ending is cleaner, but that is just what I would do.


    7 months ago

  • Anne Blackwood

    I have to agree with wavewriter :)


    7 months ago

  • wavewriter

    I think the ending would be stronger if you took the atom line out. GREAT story by the way!! :)


    7 months ago