Peer Review by ILikeToWriteThings (United States)

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The Difference Between You and I

By: Wisp


    "You wouldn't dare." 
    He smirked with such confidence, a gun against his beating heart. The young girl looked at him wide-eyed, hands shaking, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. 
    "Because at the end of the day, we're the same - you and I." 
    He had her right where he wanted her.
    "We've both hurt others, killed others. Face it. You're just like me." 
    The girl brought the gun down. He smiled. 
    "You're right. I am just like you." 
    In a flash, she held the gun against her own heart. 
    "But I won't make the same mistake." 
    Bang. 

Feedback is much appreciated. 

Peer Review

The odd relationship between the boy and girl is very intriguing and has the reader speculating, which I like a lot!


You did not divulge any of their history which makes the girl's actions more interesting.


All that being said, it is a little bit unclear what the "mistake" is that she mentions. Was the mistake that the boy didn't shoot her before? If so, mistake may be an odd word choice as it suggests that the boy, who seems to be more of the antagonist than the girl, meant to kill her at some point, yet there's no indication that he would have any motive. If I'm just wrong here then disregard that.


The writing itself is very strong and this story absolutely catches the spirit of a flash fiction.


Reviewer Comments

This piece is a bit vague in some areas (what do you mean when you say "he had her right where he wanted her?" why does he want this?)
Also, some of the dialogue is a bit cliche. It's interesting for sure, but I would rephrase some of it to make it a bit more original.
Very fun to read! Loved how you ended it!