Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Ah so I already submitted this as a final, but wrote a um not very nice message, I was just feeling really bad then, so I apologize for that. Um so here's my new final! And I haven't changed anything lol
I liked how you used a character with a complicated past to introduce the story. It was a good technique to paint a quick picture of the situation. She is characterized quickly and aptly also. I see her as a moody, complex and powerful, I wanna say, person, right off the bat. And it leaves room for intrigue also because I want to know more. Good job.
So you used the power of suggestion very well in this piece. This character and her exploits have piqued my interest. And, why did Matt refuse so categorically? There is much left unsaid here.
Nothing really comes to mind. I feel like there's just enough mystery here.
I really like seeing little blurbs like this. It really goes to show how language is so evocative and how the mind always seeks to fill in the gaps where they exist. Like, I'm just trying to think about why Matt is so categorical with our girl? What'd she do?
You have a really good start. I feel like your concept is very unique and alluring. I'm getting superhero vibes I think? Am I wrong? What inspired this piece? I'm so curious. Anyways, please keep writing you did a very good job. :)