happy butterfly

South Africa

14
poet
swimmer
reader
people's person
wtw's official little sister:)
special wtw sister to anne blackwood<3

Message to Readers

hello and welcome if you're new angels!!!! i hope you love it here.let me know if you need help.and drop a comment introducing yourself

i licked the sun today

August 5, 2020

FREE WRITING

18
crushed stars crumble onto the tears i cry for you / sparkling drops reflecting / the crescent moon mimicking my broken heart / oh those cherry blossom kisses that you laid upon my forehead / i feel their absence

i am empty / because i once knew the feeling of being full / and the funny thing is, you were unaware that your presence lit up my eyes / lava poured onto my skin / woke me up / turned day to night

the aftertaste of my tears still fresh on my tongue / taste pain / i licked the sun today / it tasted of orange syrup and sweet kisses / but it stung / maybe because they weren't like your cherry blossom kisses

not real kisses / just the sweetness that you were / your friendship to me was sweeter than honey / it was cherry blossom kisses / i relive the moments we had in my mind / yes they are worth reliving

i wish you knew / i wish you knew / i wish you knew / i ache / if you were going to leave why did you stay from the start / because now it hurts more than i thought i could / i want our friendship back / your sweetness is fading as the distance between us grows

i licked the sun today / it tasted of orange syrup and sweet kisses / it stung / because they weren't like your cherry blossom kisses
comments are very appreciated.
did this piece make you feel strong emotions?
also ive been worrying that all my poems are very similar,so im a bit unsatisfied.please let me know if they are all a bit similar.because meh
thank you angels
 

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  • August 5, 2020 - 1:04pm (Now Viewing)

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16 Comments
  • Anne Blackwood

    Replying: Oh jeez now you're getting me all emotional. Thank you so much I know I'll remember you too. <3 <3 <3


    4 months ago
  • Lata.B

    All the writing pieces I have read from you are sooooo perfectly written! I'm so impressed by your writing skills!!


    4 months ago
  • FantasyOtter12

    Replying--It's great your advice really worked well with some other comments I got and this was the end product!


    4 months ago
  • FantasyOtter12

    Replying-- Thanks any critique would be amaazing! :D


    4 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    I was about to write a comment, but then I realized KathiaDuplessis wrote exactly what I was going to say. So go read that comment again.
    Also, as for your pieces, I think they are similar but in no way the same. I love your style--the way you pull readers into the piece and wrap them in sugary sweet words, not letting them leave until they've tasted the sour aftertaste. You inspire me and I love your writing! <3


    4 months ago
  • KathiaDuplessis

    The title is what drew me to read your piece and oh my was it worth it. I'm honestly lost for words, I don't think I've ever felt so much emotion from a piece. this isn't just a poem, it's a work of art.


    4 months ago
  • mia_:)

    oooh! this is anything but 'meh'! i love the repetition and the sun sounds delicious! your first stanza especially made me gasp! i love "crushed stars tumble onto the tears i cry for you." gosh! you've grown so much as a writer since i went on hiatus! i look forward to seeing what else you write <3


    4 months ago
  • spectral

    BOY OH BOY THIS IS A DELICIOUSLY GORGEOUS PIECE. i love the imagery- its so creative and lovely. its definitely got a different vibe.


    4 months ago
  • elliem

    Reply: awww, thank you so much! No, seriously, I always have a smile on my face when I get one of your comments. You are such a sweetie and I really appreciate it. (And are you kidding me? MY work is beautiful? YOURS is beautiful!!) :)


    4 months ago
  • Charisse Marison

    Replying: That's awesome! I'm happy you're going back to school!
    I have no idea what my school is planning, so I'm kinda stressed...but hey, it'll all be okay.


    4 months ago
  • elliem

    I love this piece so much, especially the repeated phrase at the end. Your images are powerful here.

    "i licked the sun today / it tasted of orange syrup and sweet kisses / it stung / because they weren't like your cherry blossom kisses" Okay, first, I'm craving oranges now. Secondly, WOW. I love this idea and the comparison between the two.

    "i relive the moments we had in my mind / yes they are worth reliving" i relate i relate i relate...oh GOSH this part is just so gorgeous.

    "the crescent moon mimicking my broken heart / oh those cherry blossom kisses that you laid upon my forehead / i feel their absence" I love how easily you tell us about this relationship between the narrator and the cherry blossom person. It's sweet, but has since become bittersweet, like its memory. Wow. You are so talented with words. Lovely images, especially with the comparison of the narrator's broken heart and the crescent moon. "Crescent" is one of the most beautiful words in the english language. Amazing work! :)


    4 months ago
  • Charisse Marison

    How are you so talented!!!??? Like, just wow. Awesome as always <3
    And sorry it's been a while, how are you?


    4 months ago
  • ek503

    I love this, especially, "Crushed stars crumble onto the tears i cry for you". That is a perfect first line :)


    4 months ago
  • birthdaycandles

    Your title choices are what always draw me to your work, they really intrigue me, like this title! My mind was thinking, "How can you even lick the sun? What on earth-" and then I instantly just clicked in to find out more ahaha. I think it's because they're so creative my mind can't comprehend them sometimes. I did enjoy reading this piece, your phrasing is so delicate and beautiful in your work. I think the formatting with the line breaks also really compliments your writing style.

    I think a lot of your work really focuses on human emotions, in particular love, friendship, heartbreak and loss. You're really so good at writing about these topics and clicking in to scroll through your published pieces is quite refreshing. Are you more into poetry than prose? Perhaps you could try writing a piece of prose, or maybe starting a story? Sometimes I feel the same way about my writing, I'm afraid of my work becoming boring and all fading into one blur. But these feelings are only natural, the most important thing is that these poems mean something to you, if they do mean something to you then that will clearly come across to the reader. You're a fantastic writer! Believe in yourself, I do!


    4 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Replying: You can vent to me anytime you like. Love ya. :)


    4 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    This is just lovely. I really like your use of repetition and italics. You use such emotive language. I think some of your pieces have a similar feel to them, but they're still unique.


    4 months ago