Peer Review by ILikeToWriteThings (United States)

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By: Willowbranch

"We ran. We shouldn’t have. We should have stood our ground and fought back, as was our job. But on that night, how could we have  fought? That night, when our own gates betrayed us and welcomed the invaders like friends. That night, when they ripped our gods from their beds and hung their bodies for all to see, taunting 'Here are your untouchable former rulers! They weren’t so tough.' How could those weaklings, who were losing the war, achieve this killing blow?"  The soldier shouted.

The refugees murmured. A woman stood up, 

 "Blame Belladonna. She opened the gates."


Peer Review

I really like how the story is told through dialogue. It gives the events life and emotion.

The reader does not know who these people are nor their history, but through the dialogue we are given ideas; there is a war going on, the side of the narrator was winning, their enemies seem quite brutal, somebody was treasonous, suddenly the tables have turned,

Who is Belladonna? What was her motive?

This is a very unique piece with solid and dramatic writing. I really like "ripped our gods from their beds and hung their bodies for all to see." You can hear the anger in the soldier's words.

Reviewer Comments

Overall I really enjoyed this piece. My last critique is that I think the soldier's monologue ends slightly abruptly. He spends a lot of time describing what happened and then asks "how did it happen," but only very briefly. I would add a bit more to the end of it to balance out the "what" and the "how," if that makes sense. Good luck!