chrysanthemums&ink

United States

ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴡᴏʀʀʏ 'ʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛᴏᴍᴏʀʀᴏᴡ ᴀɴʏᴍᴏʀᴇ.

Message to Readers

a piece about my favorite character from all of fiction.

*spoilers for mao dao zu shi (book, manhua, and donghua) and the untamed.

this was supposed to be flash fiction but it grew. i think i'll make this a series. maybe.

*mao dao zu shi, nor any of its affiliated pieces of media belong to the author mo xiang tong xiu, not me. the character jiang cheng does not belong to me either, because if he did, he'd at least get a happy ending at the end of the book.

brother brother where have you gone?

August 4, 2020

FREE WRITING

8

you wish you could've killed him quickly. 

your family would be disappointed. you kneel in front of their names three times a day and bow three times a visit, and you can hear their disappointed murmurs through the fingers of incense smoke. especially your father, who has never loved you the same way he loved him, who would surely not give you any mercy if he had heard what you'd done. you mother might congratulate you, if she were as cruel as you sometimes dream she is. 

you don't like to think about what your sister might say. 

but they're not here anymore. they shouldn't have a say when you're the one they've left behind, and you're the one left all alone with a baby nephew that shouldn't be yours to raise and a sect that's too broken, too fractured to ever look like home again. 

and it's all his fault. 

you look at his face one last time before you raise your army of men onto him. his face has changed since you last called him brother, but now you know he is not your brother. he is the one your father loved more, he is the one who soaked up all of your sister's adoration, he is the one who became a hero before a villain, he is the one who was always better than you could ever hope to be, he is the one who left you first, and he is a murderer. 

your golden core—your meaning in life—spins under your ribcage, and you can't believe you gave it up for someone that would survive to take everything from you. 

yes, you've always loved people more than they've loved you, but what's the problem with that? isn't it still love? 

he looks at you; your eyes meet, but you can no longer recognize him, or at least, you try not to. your bottom lips trembles without you realizing, and you give a harsh shout as you raise a condemning finger at him. your armies of purple and green and gold rush forward to meet his ghosts, and there are 'innocent' people down there, yes, but they destroyed it all. your family is gone gone gone so why do they deserve to live in peace when they couldn't?

he screams at you from above, and he's always been taller than you. good for you to put him on a pedestal and good for him to cast an impenetrable shadow over you. he screams, but he doesn't speak, and you do not try to hear him. you leap towards him and unsheathe your sword and yell and—

you do not kill him. it's almost ironic, because you do not kill him when you deserve to, and the ones that kill him are the ghosts that he's spent so long raising from their graves. you know, you should've listened to that damn saint when he grabbed that murderer and told him that raising ghosts and using them to fight was a bastard's way. you should've listened, you should've listened, you should've listened—

you and your men leave nothing but a pile of bodies when you leave—red and white clothes, the colors of your parents' killers, and you leave trying to convince yourself that you've finally avenged them. your foot bumps into something on your way out. you pick it up, dust it off. 

you leave with it in your pocket, fingernails scabbing over, and you know you are bleeding but you do not care. you should be allowed to cry, but you can't. not when you can hear the celebrations, wine bottles being cracked open and men bellowing in drunken victory. you should feel victorious, because you've finally avenged her. her husband, your sister, and the baby that he orphaned. 

but you cannot. 

"the yiling patriarch is dead! the yiling patriarch is dead!" 

you leave knowing your brother is dead. lotus pier will never be full again because they are dead, she is dead, and he is dead. 

he is dead, he is dead, he is dead. 

 

 

Print

See History
  • August 4, 2020 - 7:46pm (Now Viewing)

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

2 Comments
  • sunny.v

    *inhale*
    *exhale*
    jiaNG CHENGGGGGGGGGG YUNEMENG SHUANGJIEEEEEEE


    4 months ago
  • Dmoral

    "character jiang cheng does not belong to me either, because if he did, he'd at least get a happy ending at the end of the book."
    had me weakkkk
    and chrys, love, this was beautifully written!


    4 months ago