Peer Review by Huba Huba (United States)

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Hope Beyond the Clouds

By: agk9871

Lying on the numbing pavement, I sigh. Above, the clouds soak up the daylight - a wicked reminder of that grey hospital wall.

A droplet splashes upon my arm, my face, cold like death. Tears cascade from the sky. I squint, a brilliance penetrating the thick clouds. Warmth floods my veins; my eyes burn. I rise into the gentle blue opening, towards the golden orb. Leaving fear behind. Breathe.

The clouds swim across the ocean, swallowing the light.

The pavement is hard under my head, my hands cold. Yet my toes tingle, and the ground warms my back.

98 words. I hope this made sense... it can be interpreted in many different ways, but it's supposed to be about someone facing fear and worry for a loved one (or could be seen as facing fear and worry for themselves) in the hospital (I realize that is very vague in the story) and how they find hope "beyond the clouds". 

Message to Readers

Please share any suggestions or improvements I can make to make this story more clear! How can I change things so the "golden orb" is more clearly represented as hope? How can I make it so the reader more easily understands what is happening?
Please let me know your overall thoughts!

Peer Review

I love how descriptive it is, all the metaphors, symbolism, everything!

You used symbolism well, and this is a very good quality in your writing!

I understand that you're trying to make this story have many interpretations, but as a story, I think that it slightly lacks solid events. At first, I thought that everything was just a description of the weather outside the windows of the hospital, until when I read your 'message to the reader' I realized it was portraying what the protagonist felt.

You have lots of skill and potential as a writer, and I believe that you have a good chance of winning this competition!

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