elliem

Canada

Apparently, I'm 17
Come to my feed for free hugs :)
Somebody run through castle ruins at midnight with me

Acting
Dancing
Singing
Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff
Petrichor
Soft girl/Dark academia mix
Virgo
ENFJ

WtW pixie

She/her

Message to Readers

This is my first draft of a story about a same-sex couple in World War II enlisted together. I missed the expert review deadline, so I'd really love some feedback, even if it's just a comment. Let me know what you think! :)

Together Enlisted

August 5, 2020

    Darkness pressing close. Fighter jets screaming overhead. Rain slipping through the trees, thick and oppressive, washing away the blood on Raymond’s chest. Walter held him closer, cradled his head, cried his name.
    He loved him. He loved him. He loved him.
    He wasn’t meant to.
    That was war: it took, and it took, and today, it took Ray.
    Affection like theirs was forbidden. Sin, the specialists would say, a sickness.
    To them, it was love.
    Walter’s boot slipped in the trench. He bent, listened close.
    Just a breath. One breath, and we’ll be fine.
    But none came.
I'd love some feedback on this! Let me know if it was confusing or if you have any title suggestions. If someone left me a review, that would be wonderful, but no pressure. :)

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7 Comments
  • erin!

    oh my, i love it. not confusing at all, i think the middle portion really clarifies the situation. i think the title should play on something related to love and war, but that's totally your choice!


    6 months ago
  • books4life

    It's so sad, but the story is soo good.


    6 months ago
  • books4life

    I love this!! :)


    6 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    :0 YES. I LOVE IT. This is so good!!!!!! I love the repetition--in the short space, it really stands out. I love your style! Best of luck in the competition!!! <3


    6 months ago
  • Cata Londo

    Hey! You can still submit this piece for an expert review...
    Also, I think your decision to place this in World War 2 was great, really sad but I still love it!


    6 months ago
  • Lata.B

    Omg wow, I didn't expect you to end like that but I'm glad you did!!


    6 months ago
  • sunny.v

    NOOOOOO WALTER AND RAYYYY...my poor boys ;-; i'll get to a review soon!


    6 months ago