erin!

United States

叶安灵 // 15, 2022 // she-her-hers
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Message to Readers

feedback on all of them would be great, but i need your favorite!

four flash fiction concepts-help me choose

August 3, 2020

FREE WRITING

12

Us
Our story is short: high school sweethearts never last. Still, I won’t apologize for saying hello on our first day of freshman year. I’m not sorry for dragging you to Friday Night Football games or skipping class to eat lunch with you. I’m not ashamed to have been the one you left behind, and I don’t shrink when I hear your name around town. I don’t have any regrets. Do you? When Jimmy Fallon asked you about the love of your life, you deflected graciously. You didn’t give the whole story. Why not? It’s a short one. It’s me.

Answers from the Homeless Man who Plays the Flute
I am storyless. Ninety-nine words is nearly too many. 
What do you need to know? My mom left. My dad’s dead. I’m hardly more than a shell.
You’re wasting your time on this interview, I have nothing to say.
Listen, I play the flute because it’s the one thing with my name on it. It’s mine.
I hang from the telephone wires because I’m not quite dating death, but I flirt with her.
I make music for the people so that they have a soundtrack to their stories. 
When you’re storyless, you do whatever the damn you want to.

Summer circa 1958
The air was hot, even with the moon smiling in the sky. Waitresses with round hips and flared skirts cycled around the lot. 
He had someone beside him. Smirking, he circled an arm around and whispered against her neck,
Do you want to get out of here?
Silence.
He’d seen Grease a million times, but if she liked it, that was fine. They could make out in the car.
His date was staring out the window. At a waitress with round hips, their eyes locked with desire. He raised his eyebrows. Even for a playboy, this was a first.

Generation Theta
Marvin and Marla were best friends. But only because the moon wasn’t a hotspot for seven year olds.
Marvin hated Marla’s dolls. Marla hated Marvin’s questions. Who cared about Mars? This was the moon. He kept asking about the suits, she didn’t understand. The suits were fine. They were comfortable.
One day, during a game of Go Fish, Marvin became a philosopher again.
“Marla, do you know why we’re the only ones?”
“Because our mommies had us.”
“It’s because we destroyed our old place. Earth. Something called poh-liew-shun. I heard my mommy say that.”
Marla blinked. 
“Okay. Go Fish.”

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  • August 3, 2020 - 7:48pm (Now Viewing)

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15 Comments
  • rainandsonder

    oh i don't even know how to decide my favorite, these are all really fantastic, you seem to have a knack for telling this sort of thought-provoking mini-stories. i'm going to have to go with the second one just because i love the line "I hang from the telephone wires because I’m not quite dating death, but I flirt with her."


    about 2 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    I love them all, but the last one made me think! Great writing in all of them!


    about 2 months ago
  • mia_:)

    ooh these are all great, but my personal fav is probably #2! good luck in the comp! :)


    about 2 months ago
  • Landofstories

    hahah summer circa 1958!!! Also the second one was a very interesting idea.


    about 2 months ago
  • sunny.v

    "Summer circa 1958" was like aaaaaAAA we stan ladies loving ladies in funny situations! my favorite was the last one, though! i think generation theta was really impactful--super spooky yet so "mundane" for them


    about 2 months ago
  • Anlee

    wow how were you able to come up with four short stories so quickly? i personally really loved the second one, but all of them are really intriguing


    about 2 months ago
  • EliathRose

    I think that the second one intrigues me the most, but they’re all lovely!


    about 2 months ago
  • Braving Casey

    All of these stories are extremely intriguing but I find myself being pulled towards the first and second ones. The first flows well and there is the power of suggestion which is important for a flash fiction story. The second one however is emotional and you have some beautiful poetic lines in it.


    about 2 months ago
  • And_The_Stars_Laughed

    I think all of these are spectacular, though I particularly enjoyed the second one! Though the character describes themselves as "storyless" I think that there was a really deep and interesting "story" there, per se, and it left me wanting to know more even after I read the last line. I hope you find this helpful, and all the best picking which one!! When you do come to a decision, I'd be happy to leave a review. :)


    about 2 months ago
  • elliem

    I like them all. However, I think the first and last are the best ones. I love the idea of the two children talking about pollution wrecking Earth. But do what you feel best about!


    about 2 months ago
  • TwentyOneTimelords

    I really like the second one and the fourth one! They're original and interesting :)


    about 2 months ago
  • Harzi

    Yes! I agree with you about the last one. But I also think that the second one is great. It's thought-provoking and it gives me the feeling that there is much more to him even though he says otherwise. It suggests a lot more, which I really loved. I hope I helped and good luck! :D


    about 2 months ago
  • Bhavya's Treasure

    Re: Thanks Erin! Now I'm able to understand it in a better way. Do these suits represent spacesuits?


    about 2 months ago
  • Bhavya's Treasure

    I liked the first one! <3
    But I'm sorry I didn't get the last one completely, can you pls explain? :)


    about 2 months ago
  • inanutshell

    oh omg all of these are so good... I especially love the 1st & 4th concepts, they seem to effortlessly tell a larger story. Also the 2nd one is so poetic & intriguing for such a concise story!

    my fav is either 1 or 2; the first story flowed really naturally & had a strong impact, while the second one had a unique perspective. although if you do end up picking the 4th one, I feel like it can be revised to flow better! some sentences seem brief & disconnected. altho that's just my opinion, if you love that you should go with what you feel! can't wait to see what you pick <3


    about 2 months ago